Fund Your Utopia Without Me.™

26 April 2013

Tipping Guam Johnson Decries The 'Injustice' Of A World Without Balloons

M2RB:  Nena

99 dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here...
And here it is, a red balloon
I think of you and let it go.

For the children, everywhere.

The man, who once worried that an influx of US Marines might cause the island of Guam to 'tip over and capsize' and continuously used the 'm-word' while making a prolonged, passionate, rambling, and, at times, incoherent apology for calling 'm's' 'm's'...that would be, calling midgets 'midgets,' is back at it.

'Mr Speaker, like a kid at a carnival, I rise in full support of HR 527, The Responsible Helium Administration  and Stewardship Act of 2013.

Mr Speaker, I’m relieved that and I’m sure that the American people are relieved as well that  Congress is finally going to do something about one of the most pressing issues of the day, that is we’ve got to ensure access to helium for all. 

Surely those harmed by sequestration and those harmed by the Republican failure to appoint budget conferees appreciate the House spending two full legislative days on this most critical issue. The American people certainly understand the fact that 48 of this House’s precious time was necessary to pass such a non-controversial bill.

I’m pleased to support this bill which shows that this Tea Party congress will make the tough choice to keep children’s birthday parties on schedule and give industries that rely on helium the lift that they deserve. 

Imagine, Mr Speaker a world without balloons. How can we make sure that the injustice of there being no helium for comedians to get that high-pitched voice that we all hold near and dear to our hearts. 

Imagine a world without balloons. Today the House has chosen to simply float above it all. And finally we are going to do something for the American people and we should all pat ourselves on the back for that.

Too often lately this body has sat deflated. Not for a lack of hot air, mind you.

My point is that America would be much better off if this Tea Party Republican Congress brought to the floor issues that mean the most to Americans, like appointing a conference committee to work out a budget with the Senate.

Sadly Republicans are just blowing in the wind and can’t seem to tether themselves down to take up such an important task.  They float off in different directions unable to appoint conferrees to negotiate with the Senate. Yesterday despite the gravity of the matter, the Tea Party Republicans couldn't even agree on their own healtcare bill which was named the "Help Sick Americans Now Act."

With a title like that I'm flabbergasted, I’m helium flabbergasted that they could not pass that bill. They've pretty much made a decision that sick Americans can wait. We need laughing gas because of the inability of the Republican House to deal with the difficult decisions. It's real sad. We need the laughing gas.

With sequestration delaying flights and harming our economy, our nation needs a little gas. And say what you will, but this is just the best thing that we can do here. I'd like to float a simple idea -- stop wasting our time, let’s get to the business that’s meaningful for Americans, and I support this bill and I yield back.'

- Congressman Hank 'Tipping Guam' Johnson, 25 April 2013

Well, personally, I'm 'helium flabbergasted' that he has gas to bloviate about the budget and the Senate considering the fact that all we got out of Harry Reid and the other farts on the other side of the Balloonhead Hill for 1,445 days on the subject was hot air.  Also, didn't Tipping Guam vote for Obamacare and wasn't that supposed to take care of all of those 'sick Americans'?  What happened, pumpkin?

First, it was Cynthia McKinney. Then, they sent Tipping Guam Johnson. Whatever Georgia’s 4th Congressional District is inhaling, IT SURE AS HELL ISN’T HELIUM!

99 Red Balloons - Nena

You and I in a little toy shop

buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got

Set them free at the break of dawn

'Til one by one, they were gone

Back at base, bugs in the software

Flash the message, "Something's out there"

Floating in the summer sky

99 red balloons go by.

99 red balloons floating in the summer sky

Panic bells, it's red alert

There's something here from somewhere else

The war machine, it springs to life

Opens up one eager eye

Focusing it on the sky

As 99 red balloons go by.

99 Decision Street, 99 ministers meet

To worry, worry, super-scurry

Call out the troops now in a hurry

This is what we've waited for

This is it boys, this is war

The president is on the line

As 99 red balloons go by.

99 Kriegsminister

Streichholz und Benzinkanister

Hielten sich für schlaue Leute

Witterten schon fette Beute

Riefen: Krieg und wollten Macht

Mann, wer haette das gedacht

Dass es einmal soweit kommt

Wegen 99 Luftballons

99 dreams I have had

In every one a red balloon

It's all over and I'm standin' pretty

In the dust that was a city

If I could find a souvenir

Just to prove the world was here...

And here it is, a red balloon

I think of you and let it go.

For the children, everywhere.

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