You can’t be
too angry with them. Kids being kids and all that! Plus, you really
fucked up their lives and opportunities by ‘Asking not what you can do for your
country, but what your country can do and give you!’
If you ask me, they will have let you off easy.
Allah knows,
the sex wasn't any good for you.
Certainly, Obama didn't respect you in the morning. He wasn't then and isn't now that into you.
He used
you. You were nothing more than a $5
hooker, who he took on a 'round-the-world carnal excursion and left with a
wicked case of crabs and herpes; yet, you keep making excuses for him. Sigh. Soon, you will be blaming Moses or President
James Polk for inventing electric stoplights for unemployment.
I bet you
are one of the 80% of college graduates, who have had to move back home with
Mum & Dad, that is still waiting by the phone.
…but Lord
Obama did give you a phone and Mummy still tucks you in at night.
Soooo,
tonight, when you are laying in your childhood twin bed with the Buzz Lightyear
sheets and the Tickle-Me Elmo doll, just keep saying:
‘I may be
unemployed, but Hopenchange is awesome!
I may
never be able to own my own home, but Obama is the one that we have been
waiting for!
I know
that I can't buy a Skinny Caramel Mocha Frappuccino Grande because I'm flat
broke, but Socialism is so great!
I know
that most of the Northeast got flooded when Sandy hit, but Obama still lowered
the sea levels because he says so!’
Well, Ms Know-It-All, don’t feel sorry for me. On the contrary, I feel sorry for you…
You're too dumb to even begin to comprehend how great you have it under Barack Obama!
Besides, MY Mummy
makes me Pop-Tarts and gives me a Flintstones vitamin every morning. Yours??? HA, I didn’t think so! Plus, looking forward to premature balding, a
paunch, and a full box of Obama condoms with an expiration date of 11.04.08
isn't so bad when, at 25, I am still considered a child on my parents' health
insurance policy.
Now that Obama has safely been reelected and is universally loved,
worshiped, and adored, I know he will eventually issue Executive Orders that
will force my parents to continue to pay me an allowance until I am 50 and
erase my $200,000 in student loans. I
mean, like ya know, it's only fair! Did
you really think that he’d only use his pen and his phone to help Americans
lacking documentation?
Some of the kids that I graduated with have their own homes and
businesses. It's not like I am demanding
a lot and it's not fair that they have more than me. Anyhoo, it's the law in economically-sound
countries...like Italy. Me and my chums are working on a really kewl
name to call ourselves...unlike in other countries.
In Italy, people like me, ya know, twenty- and thirty-somethings,
who are living in our childhood bedrooms and, sometimes, get an allowance from
our parents, are called ‘bamboccioni’ - ‘big babies!’ The
utter nerve!
But, at least, Progressive Italy is making progress where you Regressives
aren’t. Like the judge said, basically,
but whom I'm gonna paraphrase anyway:
‘It’s only fair Signor Giancarlo Casagrande that you continue to
pay your daughter’s allowance while she is in school. Giancarlo with the Big House, you can afford
it. Sure, you are already 60 years old
and were probably looking forward to retirement, but we all have to make
sacrifices ‘For the Children!’
As you will recall, when you and your former wife decided to
destroy Marina’s family structure – utterly shattering the nurturing home in
which she was cocooned in safety and security for 17 years – because the two of
you made the selfish decision to divorce so that you both could chase sex toys,
you, Mr Casagrande, agreed to pay Marina’s allowance while she was still in
school. You made that promise in 1997.
Now, I know that there have been some starts, stops, hiccups, and
setbacks since then. It is quite true
that when my Mamma was 36 years old, like Marina, she was married, the mother
of six bambinos, owner of her second home, and proprietor of her own beauty
salon, but we shouldn’t compare them.
Comparing women against other women is sexist and so
pre-post-modern.
Thus, it is imperative that we not pass judgement on Marina’s failure
to graduate on schedule. Although she
should have graduated with her degree in philosophy eight years ago, she
continues in her efforts to, one day, graduate.
As evidence of her diligence, she is still working on her thesis while
living at home with her Mamma.
Marina and her Mamma shouldn’t be the only ones to make
sacrifices. No empathetic person would
expect a parent to make his or her 36 year-old daughter fly the nest and,
perhaps, be made to survive on cat food and Ramen Noodles … Gesù, Maria, e Josepf!!! This is Italy, ottenuto che pal. We eat
P-A-S-T-A and ‘noodles’, as in Ramen, aren’t P-A-S-T-A! Capisce?
As long as Marina is attending school and/or working on her
thesis, you will pay her $550.00 every month, as well as giving her a cheque in
the amount of $ 16,363.64, which represents that in arrears, before you leave this
courthouse or I will hold you in contempt of court and put you in The Casa Grande, er, The Big House.
Signor Casagrande, look on the bright side. According to Marina’s Mamma, your daughter
should be graduating within the next year once her thesis on ‘The Holy Grail’
is completed. Once that happy event
occurs, you can don your Italian Horn and Speedo then set out to Amalfi to
spend Marina’s allowance on girls, who are not only old enough to drink and attend
‘bunga bunga’ parties, but could also call Ms Holy Grail, ‘Mamma’!
Now, compare how we are treated in more Regressive-Reactionary
Lands:
In Japan, grown-ups call us ‘parasaito shinguru.’ Can you believe it? They think we are parasitic singles. Unbelievable. We didn't ask to be born. If you didn't want to take care of us in the
style to which we have become accustomed, then you should have aborted us. Take that, お爺さん!
Now, in Germany, they call people like us ‘Nesthockers,’ but what do you expect from NAZIS? I mean, HELLOOOOOOO....
And, just who the fuck do those British snobs think they are
calling their adult children KIPPERS? After all, who calls
their children fish?
Everyone should recognise that, whether they are gutted, salted or
pickled, Kids In Parents’ Pockets Eroding Retirement Savings deserve basic marine rights and, if they aren't going to be
respected, then these victims need to organise and appeal to the United
Nations.
KIPPERS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!
All of those racist, sexist, bigoted, homophobic, Islamophobic,
xenophobic, flatearther, greedy Fascists, like you, saw ‘Change We Can Believe
In!’ and you people thought that Obama was talking about the near-term...ya
know...like the next Recovery Summer or the 8th one or something.
Well, like I always say, ‘Y’ALL IS ЯέțåЃдʒĎ!’ You didn't read the fine print on the back of the signs! Or the expiration date, for that matter.
'Change We Can Believe In' = 'Change We Hope We Can Believe Will
Happen Before An Asteroid Hits And Destroys the Earth!'
Okay, I have to go to sleep now so that I can get up early and
pack my Transformers lunchbox, beg Mummy for some bus money, walk 3 miles to
the bus stop, and ride for 45 minutes to my volunteer job at the local BarackObama.com’s
‘Organising For America’ office. And,
oh, Ms Snooty! My colleagues at the
office say that I am so great at my job of making President Barack Obama look
good that Media Matters for America will be offering me one of their unpaid
internships A.N.Y.D.A.Y!!! That would probably be the best thing
that has ever happened to me. Just
imagine! I could be working side-by-side
with geniuses like David Brock, Oliver Willis, Ari Rabin-Havt, Angelo Carusone,
and Paul Waldman! I would be tempted to sing ‘I feel pretty. Oh so
pretty. I feel pretty and witty and gay!’ at the top of my lungs…Every. Single. Day.
Don't you people be fooled again.
There is only one man in the world...in fact, only one man in the history
of mankind...who has cared more about you than himself and that is:
Barack Hussein Obama!
O-BAA-MMM-AAA!
O-BAA-MMM-AAA!
O-BAA-MMM-AAA!
I’ll never understand how seemingly normal and ‘educated’ (No, your BA in
African-American/Feminist/LGBTQQIAAP Studies and Master’s Degree in Advanced
CRIT Puppetry do not count) people fell - when they weren't being treated by 'Obama's
Paralegals' because they
fainted - for the whole Hopenchange Snake Oil sold by 'The One Who Would Be Emperor With No Clothes.'
Which did you sound like?
2012:
ROGULSKI: You got an Obama phone?
WOMAN: (screaming) Yes! Everybody
in Cleveland, low minorities, got Obama phone. Keep Obama in president, you
know? He gave us a phone!
ROGULSKI: He gave you a phone?
WOMAN: He gonna do more!
ROGULSKI: How did he give you a phone?
WOMAN: You say you will vote for Obama, If
you're... If you on food stamps, you on Social Security, you got low income,
you disability...
ROGULSKI: Okay, what's wrong with Romney, again?
WOMAN: Romney, he sucks! Bad!
ROGULSKI: In downtown Dallas, Ken Rogulski, WJR News.
