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05 March 2013

The Tyranny Of Idiots: School Now Offering Counseling For Students "Traumatised" By Pop-Tart Gun

You've probably heard of the 7 year-old boy in Maryland, who was suspended from school for munching his Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun.  Now, the geniuses, who run the school, are offering counseling for any student that may have been "traumatised" by the pastry.  Not. Kidding.
From a letter sent home to parents:

During breakfast this morning, one of our students used food to make inappropriate gestures that disrupted the class. While no physical threats were made and no one was harmed, the student had to be removed from the classroom....

If your children express that they are troubled by today’s incident, please talk with them and help them share their feelings. Our school counselor is available to meet with any students who have the need to do so next week.

To be fair, the phrasing leaves open the possibility that the students would be "troubled" not by the imaginary gun but by the suspension, and by the ensuing realization that they're powerless pawns in a vast, incomprehensible game run by madmen.

Let me make a suggestion, which undoubtedly will be deemed "offencive" by Nanny Staters the world over:

If your child is traumatised by a glazed, strawberry Pop-Tart with sprinkles chewed into the crude shape of a gun, you are already raising a seriously disturbed child.  Also, any adult, who believes that children need counseling over Pop-Tart pastry or Hello Kitty bubble guns, then the LAST PLACE that they should be is within 1,000 meters of a school.

It's time for the Idiot-Free School Zone Act of 2013!

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