Fund Your Utopia Without Me.™

03 September 2012

Somewhere, A Potemkin Village Is Missing Its Idiot

M2RB:  Elton John, live in Scotland, 1976

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids...but its denizens do enjoy the comedy show aired at 6 PM every weekday evening on NBC anchored by an idiot, who is desperately being called home by his Potemkin village on the Potomac...


h/t People'


We at NBC strive to earn our public's trust by being the most accurate and reliable news source. Since our regrettable error in reporting on "the death of astronaut Neil Young", we now publish a correction on the controversial career of one of America's greatest hall-of-famers, astronaut Lance Armstrong, who passed away over the weekend at age 82.

Armstrong rose to international stardom as the first astronaut to ride to the moon seven times. After the release of his hit song, Harvest Moon, suspicions arose over whether Mr. Armstrong had been "doping" on lunar missions, which entailed a NASA cover-up and ultimately the menacing shadow of George W Bush. Eventually, the US Anti-Doping Agency, or "antidopes" as they called themselves, began an unending series of investigations.

"Nobody believed a human being could jump that high in a space suit on the lunar surface without some kind of enhancement," stated a USADA representative. "Armstrong claimed it was only a small step, but it looked more like one giant leap to anybody who was watching."

The controversial astronaut had until midnight last Tuesday to respond, but he let the deadline pass without challenge. "As a result of his tacit admission of guilt, Mr. Armstrong's name will be removed from the lunar plaque of distinguished space workers bearing his signature," read the final decision by the USADA.

  "I think NASA acted stupidly," President Obama said at yesterday's rally in a mostly empty gymnasium. "The top one per cent of aerospace officials took their eye off the ball and neglected their primary mission of reaching out to Muslims. No wonder some space workers were doping on those space trips - I would too if I were an astronaut. I'm glad to see this painful chapter of American imperialism draw to a close."

Joe Biden echoed the president's statement by saying, "The proudest day of my life was when I telegraphed Houston and told them 'the Eagle has landed.'"

Representatives of Armstrong's family declined to comment.

 Is it any wonder...

*  Just 21% of adults said they had a "great deal" or "quite a lot" of confidence in TV news. That's down a whopping 25 percentage points from 1993, when Gallup began the poll:


* According to the Democratic polling concern, PPP, Fox is the most trusted TV news source for 34% of voters, followed by PBS at 17%, CNN at 12%, ABC News at 11%, CBS News at 8%, MSNBC at 5%, and Comedy Central and NBC each at 4%.
* FOX News Channel was once again  the top network during the final day of the RNC with 9.1 million total viewers, putting it ahead of broadcast coverage by wide margins during the 10-11PM hour in both total viewers and in adults 25-54.  

Rocket Man - Elton John

She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m.
And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife
It's lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it's cold as hell
And there's no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science I don't understand
It's just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man

And I think it's gonna be a long long time...

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