The Epistemic Closure of the Left

M2RB:  Dave Matthews Band

Some devil, some angel
Has got me to the bones
You said always and forever
Now, I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Is such a long and lonely time

"La-la-la, I can't hear you!"

“Over the next four months, the other side’s going to spend more money than we’ve ever see.  They’ll have a bunch of ads with scary voices.  Most of what you hear, you can pretty much just go mute.  Just press the mute button.  That’s the good thing about the remote.  Or you can use the DVR, and just fast-forward … because these ads are going to say the same thing over and over again.  The other side knows they can’t sell their economic plan, because we tried it and it didn’t work.”

- President Barack Obama, 19 July 2012

Well, we’ve finally found some technology of which Obama approves!  ATMs & airport kiosks?  No!  Remote controls?  Absofuckinglutely!  Anything to keep the masses from hearing the truth or opposing viewpoints!

-- Sophie

The Obamamandments

1.  Never watch Fox News.  

Remember:  Never.

2.  Never listen to Rush Limbaugh.  

Remember:  Never.

3.  Never read libertarian or conservative books, magazines, websites, blogs, pamphlets, etc.  

Remember:  Never.

4.  Never listen to or watch any programme, pundit, or person that promotes an ideology or philosophy at odds with the state-sanctioned dogma.  

Remember:  Never.

5.  Consult my campaign website or that of Media Matters for America every morning to receive my official, i.e., state-sanctioned, positions and talking points so that you may refute the truth and demonstrable facts proffered by my opponents and to learn how to cry "Squirrel!" in the most effective manner.  

Remember:  Always.

6.  Fact-chequing organisations that determine that my "facts," claims, and/or statistics are false are wrong, greedy corporations, funded by "shady foreigners or Americans of convenience" unlike George Soros or are selfish, diabolical, evil "fat-cat, corporate jet-owning" billionaires like the Koch Brothers, and are part of the "vast right-wing conspiracy," except when those same fact-chequing organisations declare that Mitt Romney eats black babies while wearing his "magic underwear" and planning to takeover the world in the name of Joseph Smith.  

Remember:  Always.

7.  It was "unpatriotic" for George W Bush to add $4.2 trillion to the national debt in 8 years, but it is the epitome of patriotism for me to add $5.2 trillion to the national debt in 1,281 days and, if you reelect me, I will continue to show my undying "patriotism" by increasing the national debt to $21.3 trillion by the end of FY-2017, at least.  You will always be able to determine who is more patriotic by comparing my national debt growth to those Americans wearing American flag shirts and pins that are probably made in China.  

Remember:  Always.

8.  Even though the Occupy Movement has been endorsed by the the Socialist Party of America, the Democratic Socialists of America, the Communist Party of America, the Revolutionary Communist Party, the Government of North Korea, the Ayatollah Khamenei, Supreme Leader of Iran, David Duke, Hugo Chavez, the Revolutionary Guards of Iran, the Black Panthers (original), the New Black Panther Party, Industrial Workers of the World, the Communist Party of China, CAIR, Hezbollah, the White Revolution, Marxist Student Union, Anonymous, the Freedom Road Socialist Organisation, the International Socialist Organisation, the Party for Socialism and Liberation, the International Bolshevik Tendency, and the American Nazi Party,

IT WILL ALWAYS BE A FACT THAT THE MOST DANGEROUS PEOPLE IN AMERICA BELONG TO THE TEA PARTY AND ARE EITHER LIBERTARIANS OR CONSERVATIVES.

Remember:  Always.

9.  Dissent shall never be tolerated.  Never.

You are hereby ordered to silence dissenters by all means necessary.  Failure to do so will result in your being classified as a "collaborator."

Remember:  Never.

10. All Libertarians, libertarian-leaning Independents, Conservatives, and Republicans are anarchists, crony capitalists, "Me Firsters!," selfish, greedy, and bloodsuckers.   They want your Granny to eat cat food while a rich doctor rips out your child's tonsils and another charges you $60,000 to amputate your wife's foot.  All Libertarians, libertarian-leaning Independents, Conservatives, and Republicans will always opt to kick the poor out onto the streets, deny sick children life-saving drugs, and celebrate dirty air and water.  

Remember:  Always.

11.   Even though I lost the Middle Class vote by 20 points in 2008 and they shellacked me in 2010, I am and always will be the only true champion for America's Middle Class.  It is imperative that each of you force the Middle Class to understand that they cannot possibly make it on their own without me and that I, alone, will always be the only thing standing between them and utter serfdom.  The 1%'s -- almost entirely comprised of "the white man" -- greed has always run a world in need.

Remember:  Always.

12.   Most Americans will always be too stupid to know what is best for them; thus, choice and self-determination must be taken away from them.  It will always be the "burden" of their intellectual betters and the cultural elite in Washington to make decisions for 99.9% of Americans.

Remember:  Always.

 

  

13.  When forced into a position where you must listen to or read an advocate of the free-market system, limited government, low taxation, individual rights over collective rights, individual salvation over collective salvation, and the right of man to profit from his labour, always stick your fingers in your ears and scream "La-la-la, I can't hear you!!!" at the top of your lungs until you are able to extricate yourself from the situation.  Once you are away from such evil trash, always report the individual, group or organisation to the Department of Homeland Security immediately.

In Obamamian, we will call this:  "Hitting The Mute Button!"

Remember:  Always.

14.   Always report all individuals, groups, and organisations that are "suspicious," "subversive," "distrustful of government," and "speak against politicians, regulators, bureaucrats, apparatchiks, and government, in general."  Report any and all individuals, groups, and organisations, who publish, transmit, distribute, possess, or read any type of communication, including books, videotapes, newspapers, magazines, websites, blogs, pamphlets, DVDs, telephonic messages, facsimile transmissions, electronic mail, etc., that contradict, in any way, shape or form the state-sanctioned position on any given issue immediately to any of the following:

WhiteHouse.gov

MinistryOfInformationForAmerica.gov

SeeSomethingSaySomething.dhs.gov

AttackWatch.com

FightTheSmears.com

CentreForAmericanProgress.org

MMfA.org

ObamaForAmerica.org

OrganisingForAmerica.org

ReportFishySpeech.gov

ItsMyWayOrTheHighwayToRoom101.Obama.gov

TheGoebbelsInstitute.ColumbiaSchoolOfJournalism.edu

TheLivesOfOthers.MSNBC.com

AnArmyOfMrsKravitzesForObama.AARP.org

ReportYourParents.gov

SpyAndSnitchOnYourNeighbours.dhs.gov

ReportThoseNotPayingTheirFairShare.irs.gov

HideThePast.ObamaPresidentialLibraryPlanningCommittee.org

Remember:  Always.

15.  Always remember that every person is equal under the law whether they are American citizens or not, except for those individuals, groups, politicians, and members of the Apparatchia that the government -- alone -- deems worthy of preferential treatment, waivers and/or elevated rights.

Remember:  Always.

16.  Always remember that you are just a cog in the wheel and owe everything that you have and are to the omnipotent, benevolent Leviathan.

Remember:  Always. 

17.  Always remember that the Collective Good will forever trump the Individual.

Remember:  Always.

18.  Always remember that any criticism of me or my policies is based solely on racism, sexism, xenophobia, homophobia, Islamophobia, Luddite-ism, reactionarism, intolerance, bigotry, closed-mindedness, and irrational beliefs in the "failed policies of the past" and the invisible hand of the market.  Further, always remember that minorities cannot be racists, there is no such thing as "Christophobia," and making vile statements about Israel and Jews is politically correct and acceptable as long as one labels him- or herself an "Anti-Zionist."

Remember:  Always.

19.  The government has always and always will do a better job at picking winners and losers than the free market and, as such, it should command and control the economy and have a right to take as much of your income and wealth as it -- alone -- deems necessary and proper.

Remember:  Always.

20.  Always remember that there are truly no such things as "private" property and a "right to privacy."  Everything belongs to the State and, thereby, can be controlled, regulated, and confiscated through taxation, judicial decree, Presidential fiat, and the military.   In addition to taking your real and personal property, the government may invade your body cavities in search of box cutters, PETN, guns, gerbils, illicit items (gold as in the 1930s, foreign currencies, precious gems and metals, etc.), and to look for anything else -- as asinine, pun intended -- it, and it alone, decides might pose a national security or economic risk.

Remember:  Always.

21.  Always remember, since you don't really own  anything, I can take whatever you possess and redistribute it to whomever I choose.

Remember:  Always.

22.  Always remember that, if you are of Western European origin, everything that you and your ancestors have ever made, succeeded at, and done has been at the expense of minorities a/k/a the majority of the population of the planet.  Who you are today was completely built upon the backs of the poor, oppressed, displaced, and victimised peoples of civilisation.

Remember:  Always.

23.  Always remember that America, as well as the rest of "white civilisation," shall never be forgiven for its "Original Sin" and be made to bear the shame of peoples, whom they have never met, for eternity.  Although pardon is out of the question, American, as well as the rest of "white civilisation," shall forevermore be made to pay for the sins of the past and the descendants of the oppressed shall forevermore be entitled to claim the mantle of victimhood and have every action or inaction excused because of what someone did to someone else centuries ago.

Remember:  Always.

   

24.  Always remember to read Saul Alinsky's Rules for Radicals before retiring for the evening and teach your children to recite Rule #12:  "Pick a target, freeze it, personalise it, and polarise it."  Do all of this in remembrance of me and with the singular goal of destroying thine and mine enemies.

Remember:  Always. 

  

25.  Always remember that I am the one that you've been waiting for and you must be willing to sacrifice everything for me so that I can "fundamentally transform" America.

Remember:  Always.  

"What?  You thought that I would limit my commandments to 10 like that other dude?  Hell, no.  Did Lenin?  Did Hitler?  Did any other 'transformational leader'?"

Some Devil - Dave Matthews Band

One last kiss one only
Then I'll let you go Hard for you
I've fallen
But you can't break my fall
I'm broken don't break me
When I hit the ground

Some devil, some angel
Has got me to the bones
You said always and forever
Now, I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Is such a long and lonely time

Too drunk and still drinking
It's just the way I feel
It's alright
Is what you told me
Cause what we had was so beautiful
Feel heavy like floating
At the bottom of the sea

You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Is such a long and lonely time

Some devil is stuck inside of me
I cannot set it free
I wish, I wish I was dead and you breathing
Just so that you could know
Some angel is stuck inside of me
But I cannot set you free

You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Such a long and lonely time

Stuck inside of me