Fund Your Utopia Without Me.™

03 December 2012

I'm Nightmaring of A Gaian Non-Christmas-Christmas with 42 Obama Festivus Poles, a 2nd Term Cabinet of Misfits and Jerry Springer Rejects, and a Fiscal Cliff on Elm Street With Freddy Krueger Sweeping in to Save the Country by Ripping the Budget to Shreds With His Awesomely Awesome Razor Gloves.

I STILL love that!

This began in response to the news that Obama will reappoint the yenta, Debbie Washerwoman-Schlemiel-Schlimazel-Hasenpfeffer-Incorporated!, to be Chairwoman of the Democratic National Committee.  It got me thinking about some of the other real gems fighting on the blue team.

Remember when the Left hated the government.  No one was ever to trust the government.   I suppose that was just teenage hormones, not teenage wasteland  "Turn on, tune in, and drop out" only was intended to last until they got control of everything.  "The Man" was to be hated and never trusted...until they became "The Man."  Socialism and communal living was groovy until they decided that they could get very rich playing Svengalis to dumbed-down Americans, who would throw them money and even vote them into power.  "Never trust anyone over 30"... only counted until they turned 30.
Getting back to DWS, as I always say, “You’ve got to admire a woe-as-me-man, who can simultaneously grow pubic hair on her head while looking directly into the camera and telling the America people ‘We actually have not required in this law that you carry health insurance.’”  I am not kidding.

My personal suggestion would have been Hank Johnson, but I guess he’s too busy determining the exact Chamorro-Guamanian-tourist-Marine ratio, dispersion rate, and density to keep “Guam from tipping over and capsizing” and trying to figure out ways to limit “so-called free speech rights.” 

As Hank would say to you, "Whatchu say about the Constitution saying “Congress shall make no law…abridging the freedom of speech”??? Bullocks!

Y’all noes nuttin’ ain’t free ‘cept Obamaphones, Obamacare, Obamafood, Obamagas, Obamagrants, Obamahousing, etc. Speech? Psych! That ain’t free! Dem ole, rich, white, slave-owning dudes was pullin y’alls’ figgers. Free to dem didn’t mean free to y’alls, bruthas and sistas! Youse weren’t even free so how could you have free speech rights? 

And, you uppity, white wimminens. You wasn’t free either. Hell, we’s gots the vote ‘fore you! Take That. You thunk that youse were so much better than us black bruthers. Hmph! Musta hurts y’alls little, white pride watching us walking past ya while you were cooking, washing, cleaning and knitting as we’s were a’gonna to the polls. Miss Daisy was none too happy. I’ll tell ya that.

“Free speech”! My ole grandad woulda howled with laffa and then tolja to put that inya corncob pipe and smoke it ‘fore Vice-Massa Biden puts y’all back in chains.

1.  Hank Johnson for Secretary of the Navy!!!

2. For Assistant to the President for Science and Technology, Director of the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy, and Chair of the President’s Council of Advisors on Science and Technology:

Congresswoman Sheila “Did the Mars Rover take any images of the flag Neil Armstrong planted on Mars?” Jackson-Lee.

3. For Secretary of Health and Human Services:

Congresswoman Gwendolynne “The National Institute of Health has said that it is a danger to women’s health and safety of their families, that for 30 years, to be to the prospects of pregnancy” Moore.

4. For Secretary of Defence:

Congressman Keith “Let me tell you in World War II, in World War II they (the Nazis) attacked Pearl Harbor. That would be enough” Ellison.

5.  For Secretary of Labour since she’ll oversee the Bureau of Labour Statistics:

Congresswoman Nancy “Every month that we do not have an economic recovery package 500 million Americans lose their jobs” Pelosi.

6. For Ministry of Truth:

Former Senator Chris “Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again” Dodd.

7.  For Secretary of Education:

Senator Barbara “Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I’m still alive.’ But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again” Boxer.

8.  For Secretary of Wealth Redistribution:

Congresswoman Maxine “Guess what this liberal would be all about? This liberal will be about socializing…uh, um…Would be about, basically, taking over, and the government running all of your companies…If you call it a riot (Rodney King riot) it sounds like it was just a bunch of crazy people who went out and did bad things for no reason. Riot implies to me wild, crazed, uncalled-for actions and I’m not so sure that’s quite appropriate for what took place in Los Angeles. It was unfortunate that it takes things like this rebellion to wake people up. I maintain it was somewhat understandable, if not acceptable…It was only a rebellion… a spontaneous reaction to a lot of injustice and a lot of alienation and frustration…There were mothers who took this as an opportunity to take some milk, to take some bread, to take some shoes. Maybe they shouldn’t have done it, but the atmosphere was such that they did it. They are not crooks” Waters.

Barbara Lee could also be a looker for this position.

9. For Ambassador to Egypt:

Deputy Chief of Staff and aide to U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, daughter, sister, and granddaughter of Muslim Brotherhood activists, as well as the editor of IMMA journal for 11 years, Huma Abedin,  Unless Huma has another sibling in addition to Heba, it means that every member of her family – including herself – has served on the Board of an organisation, Institute of Muslim Minority Affairs.  founded by an al-Qaeda Godfather, Abdullah Omar Naseef.  She sounds perfect.

10. For Secretary of Agriculture, National Nutrition Standards, Mandatory Dietary Service, and Food Youth Camps:

Congressman Charlie “I’m in the kitchen and I’m not walking out” Rangel.

11. For Secretary of Marriage Equality:
Congresswoman Diane “He’s married to a white woman. He wants to be white. He wants a colorless society. He has no ethnic pride. He doesn’t want to be black” Watson.

12.  For Secretary of Homeland Security:

Janet “The system worked [The 'system' evidently being a Dutch filmmaker with the wherewithal to diffuse the underwear bomber before he went to meet his 72 virgins as an eunuch]“ Napolitano.

Oops. She already has the job. Whew! What a relief!

13.  For Secretary of Tourism:

Senator Harry “We won’t smell the tourists anymore…My staff tells me not to say this, but I’m going to say it anyway…In the summer, because of the heat and high humidity, you could literally smell the tourists coming into the Capitol. It may be descriptive, but it’s true” Reid.

14.   For Ambassador to Vietnam:

Senator Richard “On a few occasions, I have misspoken about my service and I regret that. I take full responsibility. But I will not allow anyone to take a few misplaced words and impugn my record of service to our country” Blumenthal.

Hey, he’d finally get to ‘Nam!

15.  For Secretary for Intergalactic War:

Former Congressman David “Don’t let faux(as in fake) Klingons send real Americans to war” Wu

16.  For  Community Outreach Czar:

Senator Richard “It’s not a federal mandate, … It’s an opportunity for your community, on a grass roots basis, to come together” Durbin.

17.  For  Director of National Security:

Richard “Winnie the Pooh seems to me to be a fundamental text on national security” Danzig.

18.  For Secretary of Paranormal Activity and Imaginary Friends:

Senator Chuck “Biking through New York’s boroughs in 2005, I thought about some old friends, Joe and Eileen Bailey. Though they are imaginary, I frequently talk to them” Schumer.

19.  For Ambassador to Palestine:

Former Congresswoman Cynthia “I strongly condemn in the strongest words possible the Israeli occupation of and genocidal policies toward Palestine” McKinney.

20. For Secretary of the Treasury:

Governor Jerry “The conventional viewpoint says we need a jobs program and we need to cut welfare. Just the opposite! We need more welfare and fewer jobs” Brown.

21.  For  Official Screen Projectionist for Academy Award winner, Michael Moore:

Senator John “I’m going to be honest with you — I don’t know a lot about Cuba’s healthcare system. Is it a government-run system?” Forbes Kerry.

22.  For Ambassador to Iran:

Former Congressman Ron “if I were an Iranian, I’d like to have a nuclear weapon, too, because you gain respect from them" Paul.

23. For Ambassador of the United States to the Holy See:

Maxine "I have to march because my mother could not have an abortion" Waters.

24. For "Who Woulda Thunk It" Czar?

Congressman Alan ''Why would you want to put people in charge of government who just don't want to do it?  I mean, you wouldn't expect to see al Qaeda members as pilots'' Grayson.

25. For Secretary of Geography:

Barack “I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go?...Argentina has an interest in the Maldives...How do you say "wheel-and-deal" in Austrian? --- Hawai'i is part of Asia now" Obama.

26.  For Director of NASA:

Congressman  Dennis  "The energy of the stars becomes us.  We become the energy of the stars becomes us.  We become the energy of the star.  Stardust and spirit unite and we begin: one with the universe, whole and holy.  From one source, endless creative energy, bursting forth, kinetic, elemental; we, the earth, air, water, and fire-source of nearly fifteen billion years of cosmic spiraling" Kucinich.

27.  For Ambassador to Saudi Arabia:

Calypso Louis “The Jews don’t like Farrakhan, so they call me Hitler. Well, that’s a good name. Hitler was a very great man. He rose Germany up from the ashes” Farrakhan.

28.  For Ambassador to the United Nations:

Congresswoman Barbara "Demanded Obama lift the Gaza blockade, supported Grenada's Communist dictator, worship Fidel and Raoul Castro, Democratic Socialist of America member, claims Israel’s blockade of Gaza is “de facto collective punishment" - a war crime under the 4th Geneva Convention" Lee.

She sounds perfect.  A black and a woe-as-me-man, who may just be such a disaster that we can call her out on it without being called "RAAAAAACIST!  SEEEEEXIST!"

29.  For Attorney General for the Department of Justice for Minorities

 Eric "My People" Holder.

30.  For Attorney General for the Department of Injustice for White People:

 Andre 'The Tea Party wants blacks 'hanging on a tree' Carson.

 More to come...

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