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13 October 2012

'Toon of the Day: Obama Plays Romney Roulette

"There's a broader lesson to be learned here.  And I -- you know, Governor Romney seems to have a tendency to shoot first and aim later. And as president, one of the things I've learned is you can't do that. That, you know, it's important for you to make sure that the statements that you make are backed up by the facts. And that you've thought through the ramifications before you make 'em...

Evidently, Governor Romney likes to play Russian Roulette.  As a seasoned hunter from Chicago, which as you know, Steve, is one of the murder capitals of America, I know the odds of a Romney bullet being in the chamber of any gun that I point at my own administration are extremely miniscule.   Let me be clear, I can say, with complete confidence, that I could put an assault weapon -- you know, one of those guns that have cosmetic changes to make them look really, really scary and are racist because they are almost always BLACK -- to my temple and safely pull the trigger without a care in the world because I know that my opponent is wrong, wrong, wrong.  

The attacks on the embassy in Cairo and the consulate in Benghazi were the result of spontaneous uprisings of protestors upset over a “crude” and “disgusting” video, which is offencive to humanity, that got out-of-hand.  It's unfortunate that we have a few more bumps in the road, but Governor Romney's "bullets" from last night and today were just 100% false.  As time goes on, you will see that he is shooting blanks.  That's a fact...Just ask Joe Biden.  He's a fact man."

- President Barack Obama, 60 Minutes (first paragraph), 12 September 2012


"With such a serious attack happening on the president’s watch, what the hell was he doing running off to Vegas to do more fundraising? That’s truly despicable."

scalleywag on October 12, 2012 at 8:19 PM

You know how Obama is a better speechwriter than his speechwriters? A better policy wonk than his policy wonks? A better political strategist than his political strategists?

Well, if you promise to keep a secret, I’ll tell you what Obama was doing. I know because I have a special red shoe-phone that has a direct line to Tel Aviv. Obama also happens to be a better secret agent man and trained assassin than ANYONE evah associated with the Mossad.

So, after he was told that the consulate was under attack and the Ambassador was missing, he went to bed because he needed his rest for a really big mission the next day. In the morning, the reason that he cancelled his PDB (this was after his Rose Garden speech) was because the doctors from Walter Reed came to implant his infrared eyeballs, which can see through the skin and identify Al Qaeda blood.

Once he recovered, he jumped into Air White Suburban (sic) One and flew out to Las Vegas to look for the “real killers,” who had been invited and flown in specially. The fundraiser was just a ruse to camouflage his deep-undercover mission.

Look, blowing up the levees is chump change for morons like Shrub and Darth Vader. Killing bin Laden with your bare hands and being a Orenthal James Bond is for the chosen.

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