Corporations Aren't People, But Trees Are!

M2RB:  Depeche Mode, Wembley Stadium, 1986

People are people
and I feel so strong
People are people and I’m
going on

I am the one
who stirs it up every time
I am the one
who never know how close she is
I am the one
who’d rather be dead than confess
I am the one
trying to be good, wanting to be bad and so on

According to Progressives, Corporations aren't people, but trees are....  And, you can purchase your "Trees Are People, Too" T-Shirt at earthshirts.co.uk.

By Jack and Suzy Welch

Here's a new party trick. Want to be accused of being a member of a satanic cult? Like to be called the kind of person who would steal candy from a child, or harm a puppy and start a forest fire—all in the same day? Do you want to be described as evil, heartless and stupid?

Then just do this: Offhandedly mention in public that you agree with Mitt Romney—and that, yeah, you think corporations are people.

Oh, how that notion sets some people right off their rockers! Take, for instance, the scene last month when senatorial candidate Elizabeth Warren introduced President Obama at a big fundraiser in Boston:

"Mitt Romney tells us, in his own words, he believes corporations are people. No, Mitt, corporations are NOT people," she pronounced. "People have hearts. They have kids. They get jobs. They get sick. They love and they cry and they dance. They live and they die. Learn the difference." The audience went wild.

What nonsense.

Of course corporations are people. What else would they be? Buildings don't hire people. Buildings don't design cars that run on electricity or discover DNA-based drug therapies that target cancer cells in ways our parents could never imagine.

Buildings don't show up at a customer's factory and say, "We won't leave until we solve your inventory problem." Buildings don't encourage their employees to mentor inner-city kids in math and science. Buildings don't fund homeless shelters in Boston or health clinics in Rwanda. People do.

Corporations are people working together toward a shared goal, just as hospitals, schools, farms, restaurants, ballparks and museums are. Yes, the people who invest in, manage and work for corporations are there to make a profit. And yes, corporations may employ some bureaucrats, jerks, cheapskates and even nefarious criminals.

But most individuals working in corporations are regular people, people just like you and your friends and neighbors. People who want to make a living and want to make a difference.

And while they're doing that, people in corporations do indeed love and cry and dance. If you don't know that, you've never been part of a team that has pulled together over coffee and late nights and shouting and laughing and created something amazing to hit a deadline. You've never been in the room when a longtime client says it's not working anymore and she's taking her business to your biggest competitor. You've never sat in the lunch room when someone runs in and says the new medical device that no one thought had a chance, the little heart valve or something like it that every engineer in the place has been working on for two years, has just passed its first human clinical trials with flying colors.

In such moments—moments that happen every single day—you can see and hear and feel that corporations are people.  That's all they are.

This fact is so obvious that there can only be one conclusion drawn when we hear the pronouncement, "Corporations aren't people"—that it's doublespeak. That is, when people say that corporations aren't people, what they really want to say is, "Business is evil."

They want to say what they feel, which is that capitalism doesn't work, that it's unfair, and that America needs another system—one that, to quote the president himself, "spreads the wealth around."

 And, they have constitutional rights, too!  They should even get lawyers and not be subjected to "cruel and unusual punishment" like being chopped down!!!  You might wish to stock up on some really kewl bumper stickers here:  http://www.cafepress.com/+liberal+bumper-stickers

Obviously, we're not in that camp. We know capitalism isn't perfect. But free markets are the best system there is to provide opportunity to those with an idea, or simply the motivation to work their butts off to make their lives better. We also know capitalism can spawn bad behavior; greed is part of the human condition and always will be. That's why regulations and controls exist, as they should.

But this movement afoot that hates on business is craziness. It will destroy America as we know it because very few jobs get created in an environment that's outright hostile to business. And without jobs, the whole thing falls down. It becomes a welfare state. We become a welfare state.

If that's what you want, we can't change your mind. But in your efforts, stop hiding behind words.

Corporations are people. If you want to put an end to corporations, at least say what you mean.

Mr. Welch was the CEO of General Electric for 21 years and is the founder of the Jack Welch Management Institute at Strayer University. Mrs. Welch is a writer and a former editor of the Harvard Business Review.

 

Note:  A version of this article appeared July 16, 2012, on page A13 in the U.S. edition of The Wall Street Journal, with the headline: It's True: Corporations Are People.

Sophie Says:

Progressives continue to whine about Citizens United, want money to be stamped with pro-Occupy messages, hold vigils for the DISCLOSE Act (which is nothing more of a way to force companies to donate to Democrats if they want to do business with the Federal government) and demand a Constitutional amendment proclaiming that corporations are not people.  (Does that include unions, which are corporations, too?) 

Anyhoo, I only have this to say:

FINE. 

Just remember that corporations can be one person (although LLC would be a better organisational structure).   A sub-chapter S corporation can be a mom-n-pop petrol station or a couple of guys that open a pub.  It can be a community group that raises money for charitable purposes, scholarships, or beautification and is a non-profit.

Mr and Mr Progressive (I'm gay friendly!), let's say that you and your friends are successful in amending the Constitution and revoking putative personhood for corporations, which has been in the law in the United States since 1819.  Great, you say!  Well, let's put your dream into practise and 'Play Law!'...

Let's assume that you and your partner, along with several friends from your days at Berkeley, decide to open a small organic cafe and garden.  You all just know that it will be successful and you will be able to pay more in taxes and take whatever is left and 'pay it forward' because, I mean, really, do you seriously think that you need more than a 2 bedroom flat and a green-bus pass to be happy?  At some point, you've made enough money and, besides, it would be 'unfair' for you to have a big home and a private car when not everyone else does.

One day, even though you are all meticulous in keeping the premises safe, clean, and green, a pipe breaks and one of your favourite customers, the CEO of a upstart tech company, falls and ruptures 3 disks in his back.  As a result, he was unable to work for months and his business failed. If that wasn't bad enough, his 76 year-old mum fell, too, and broke her hip, arm, and fractured her skull.  She did emerge from her coma, but she is still in the hospital and will need, not only months of care in a rehabilitative centre, but around-the-clock care for the rest of her life.

Not long after the accident, you and your co-owners sit down to discuss the matter with your attorney (unfortunately, you didn't hire me when I used to do corporate work.  I considered myself to be a preventative physician and not a surgeon) and a few disturbing things came to light:

*  Since corporations do not have personhood, the owners of the organic cafe and garden (yeah, that would be you...and you...and you...and you...and the rest of the Berkeley crew) will be named as defendants.

*  Since you are 'jointly and severally' liable, any judgement or settlement will not necessarily be divided equally.  In fact, it is possibly that Mr and Mr Progressive could be on the hook for the entire bill.
 

'But, we have insurance!!!!'

True, you do, but there may be a few problems:

* Your General Liability policy puts a $1 million limit per event.  You have two plaintiffs, who will almost certainly top $1 million each in damages, especially the mum.

*  Your policy also requires that you keep the premises in good working order and repair in a reasonable time period any known defects that could foreseeably cause injury or damage. 

* Two months before the pipe burst, there was a small leak.  Mr and Mr Progressive, you were out-of-town at your Relive Woodstock retreat, but your co-owner Ms Peace Freelove was on duty.  She called a plumber.  The plumber told her that the entire plumbing system needed to be replaced ASAP.  Because you two were out of town and the other owners wanted to wait until everyone was back before a decision was made on such a big-ticket expense, everyone agreed that Ms Freelove should just tell the plumber to patch the leak.  The intent was to discuss the matter as a group and then call the plumber in immediately to get the job done.

*  For whatever reason, the proper plumbing job was never done.  You had prior knowledge of the likelihood that the pipe or pipes would burst.  Any reasonable man could have foreseen that injury and damage would be the likely results.

*  For those reasons, your insurance company has determined that you were in breach of the terms and conditions of your policy, which specified your responsibilities.  As a result, it has denied your claim.
 

'But, but, but, that's not fair!  That's a big, bad meanie insurance corporation, er, company!'

So, you go to trial -- and, remember, you guys have always been dead-set against tort reform and love punitive damages.  Central casting couldn't have provided two better plaintiffs.  As for you and the rest of the defendants, central casting couldn't have done a better job either....if it were casting a 'Woodstock Forever!'  The experts were pitch-perfect.  The multi-racial, multi-gendered jury returned with a verdict, for your formerly favourite customer, of $5 million for expenses and lost wages, $3.5 million for pain & suffering and loss of enjoyment (he had a really hot 21 year-old girlfriend).  For his mum?  Whoa, baby!  $1.5 million for expenses and $2 million for pain & suffering; and $10 million in punitive damages...for a grand total of $22 million.

Yes, you'll ask for a JNOV, which will almost certainly be set aside, and then appeal, but you'll either wind up settling for something or filing bankruptcy.  By the way, after the money tree was shaken, the only leaves that fell off had your names on them, Mr and Mr Progressive.  The rest of your friends were broke...joint and several...joint and several, my dear.

So, you run along and destroy corporate personhood.  The very idea may be enough of an enticement to lure me back from 'Galt-land.' Just to punish the bloody fvck out of you for your utter stupidity, I -- and other lawyers like me -- will sue your small business owner's arse and take your business, your home, your wife’s engagement ring, the kiddies’ college funds, their piggy banks, their Buzz Lightyear underwear, and rock their entire Barbie World to its foundations in a way that even a Japanese earthquake and tsunami couldn't do.

You don’t want corporate personhood? Great. We can go back to sole proprietorships and I’ll go back to work and be the biggest shyster of an ambulance chaser you’ve ever encountered…especially if you are a Progressive and were stupid enough to support this insanity.
 

MOST CORPORATIONS ARE NOT WAL*MART, HALLIBURTON, EXXON, SHELL, GENERAL ELECTRIC, ETC.

Now, run along and put some ice on that...and stop hating on corporations. Many of them are small businesses.

People Are People - Depeche Mode

I am the one
who believes in all that you say
I am the one
who never wants to define herself
I am the one
who’s parallel, upfront, behind
I am the one
paddling like crazy through the night

Refine, old time, colourblind
Big sign, do time, doesn’t rhyme
A lot, to much, standing tall
And I’m crying in the valley:
“I shall never, ever fall!” and

People are people
and I feel so strong
People are people and I’m
going on

I am the one
who stirs it up every time
I am the one
who never know how close she is
I am the one
who’d rather be dead than confess
I am the one
trying to be good, wanting to be bad and so on

Excess, temptress, big mess
Phoney, lonely, it’s a test
Be still my heart, don’t you fail
And I’m crying on the stagefloor:
“I will always prevail!” and

I’m going on…