Tales From The War On Women

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The Democrat Comic-Strip Narrative Series present:

TALES FROM THE WAR ON WOMEN™

By the DNC-Media Complex

SYNOPSIS

It's the beginning of the 21st century. The US economy is crumbling because of George Bush. The Republicans prevent young President Obama from fixing it because they get rich off the people's suffering. To distract from the economic issues, the Republicans begin an unprovoked War on Women with a surprise attack on a young attractive activist, who has quickly become a sex symbol for all American men and a role model for all women - except Republicans.

The narrative is still being created, as the battles rage in the minds of the hired script writers of the DNC-Media Complex. The suffering of the women has already been established, and the war propaganda is flowing seamlessly from the Mainstream Media outlets.

However, the GOP side has been slow on the uptake. Granted, it isn't easy to manufacture the appearance of the GOP War Propaganda effort if you're a Democrat. Neither has there been any Republican Chauvinist Male saber-rattling to match that coming from the Democrat Women's camp. That may confuse the news consumer as to who is fighting whom.

Without the identifiable Republican propaganda and rattling, the war narrative lacks depth and credibility. Only one militant call to arms has been published on our pages, by none other than $.$. Halliburton. And yet there haven't been any militant Republican visuals to match that.

The Democrat Women's Army Propaganda Machine relies heavily on Photoshopping old-time war propaganda posters to spread their message.

But some of them have been embarrassing imitations thereof, especially the Gaia one.

That gave us an idea to use old wartime posters from the Motherland to represent the War Machine of the Misogynist Republican Army (the MRA) - solely for the purpose of widening and deepening the ongoing media narrative.

Submit your own entries to the next edition of WAR ON WOMEN™ Comic-Strip Series. Post here images or simply stories - stories of valor, cowardice, sacrifice, treason, blood and gore that you have "observed," or have been "part of."

Famous quotations are also welcome.

For example: "We shall fight women on the beaches, we shall fight them on the playgrounds, we shall fight them in the streets, the supermarkets, shopping mall parking lots, we shall never surrender." - The GOP

Slogans will work as well, such as:

"Hate-filled Republican misogynists! Unite in the Republican War on Women! Stage vile, outrageous, and unceasing attacks! Exploit, abuse, and deny women their rights!" - Rush Limbaugh

Give us your war tales!

From the Little, Gray, Cubbie-Hole Within the Communal Apartment of

Commissarka Pinkie

 
Republicans are my enemy.

Republicans think I’m so helpless, that I can’t even open a door or pull out a chair for myself. They want to do it for me...under the guise of something medieval called “chivalry.”

And, it just so happens that “medieval” is the era they want to drag us back to—when women were nothing, but the property of their men. We all know how obsessed, greedy, selfish Republicans are with private ownership! They don’t want to share anything with anyone!  They want everything for themselves, including women.

They regard women the same as they do their land, or their ox, or their asses, or even their cars—they work them until they’re worn out and therefore useless, and then they turn them in for an upgrade to a newer model.

Indeed, the only contraceptive I can imagine Republicans would ever approve for women is another device from medieval times—the chastity belt. Only they’d still make us pay for them out of our own pockets! How are we supposed to do that when they don’t want us to work for a living because the greedy bastards want to make all the money for themselves? When they don’t even want us to receive a cheque from the Government to help support all the children Republicans force us to have because they refuse to let the Government pay for our contraceptives?

Or maybe Republicans would like to drag women back even further, this time by our hair, back to their caves, back in the days when Republicans walked the Earth alongside the dinosaurs. Is it any wonder the dinosaurs went extinct en masse? The Republicans destroyed their habitats, just as they destroy everything, and for the usual reason—all to get oil. Yes, Republicans killed the dinosaurs just to get the oil out of their fossils. They’ve tried to cover up this atrocity with some implausible faerie tale about a so-called god up in the sky, who created the heavens and the earth, only to cast down an asteroid that wiped out all the dinosaurs. (Not surprisingly, Republicans hate asteroids just as they hate everything and everyone else, so naturally they wish to destroy those, too. But not before they suck all the oil out of them.) Why, Republicans cling so bitterly to this notion (along with their precious guns), that millions of years later, they’re still Neanderthals because they refuse to believe in Evolution!

I wonder if that’s why they want to destroy women. Now that the planet is running low on fossil fuels (at least that’s what they’ve been saying for the past 40 years, and if they’ve been saying it that long, then it stands to reason there must be something to it), they see women as new source of fossil fuels. At the same time, they want us to reproduce as much as possible to create even more sources of fossil fuels. “Drill, baby, drill!” suddenly takes on a whole new meaning. They want to force us to have babies, babies, and more babies—but who’s supposed to pay for all those babies, if the Republicans keep slashing away at Government programmes? What’s their plan to support a baby without a cheque from the Government? Their plan is slavery that only results in more babies . . . and thus, so they believe, more oil.

Comrades, the Republican War on Women is just like all their other illegal, immoral wars. It’s all about the oil. They won’t stop until this whole planet is destroyed. That’s why they want to keep NASA going. Eventually they’re going to have to find another planet to destroy.

I just wish there was a way to send them there now, and blow them up to smithereens en route.

Yes, Republicans think women are helpless and wish to treat them that way so as to enslave them and thus steal the oil that they’ve convinced themselves we must possess, and that they’re entitled to.

But I’m not helpless. Not when I have the big, strong Government to protect me from these slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging, Neanderthal troglodytes.

Republicans think we women care more about the economy and jobs. Nothing could be further from the truth! For as long as Obama is in power with his laser-like focus on jobs—the first thing he thinks about when he wakes up in the morning, and the last thing he thinks about before falling asleep at night—and the Government is there to provide all, why the hell should any of us be concerned about the economy and jobs?

Yes, I’ve heard the Republicans’ phony talking points in which they claim to believe we women should be too smart to fall for this whole “War on Women” meme. Well, they have that wrong, just as they have everything wrong. FACT: We women are too smart to fall for the Republicans’ lying assertion that THEY think we’re smart at all!

Because the truth is, Republicans think all women are stupid. And helpless. And are no good for anything, but reproduction.

For oil. Because it’s always about the oil.

COMING UP: Women Comrades, have you taken the Pledge to never have sex with a Republican?

"Sex workers of the world, unite! We have nothing to lose but our free contraceptives!"
 

- Karl Marx

During the course of the war, People's scientists created a new bomb which they hoped would change the course of events, based on the scientific formula E=MC2, where E= electoral votes, M = misogyny index and C= contraceptives. This discovery was made by a fluke.
 

From the Little, Gray, Cubbie-Hole Within the Communal Apartment of

Commissarka Pinkie

 
Republicans are my enemy.

 

I AM NOT A SLUT!  

Contrary to popular belief, I will not sleep around with just anyone, and I have the pledges to prove it!

In addition to my pledges not to have sex with Republicans or anyone who doesn’t support health care reform, I also have these:

I PLEDGE never to have sex with anyone who doesn’t believe in human-caused global warming. Those of you deniers, who laugh at and mock those of us who believe, as Al Gore said, that it is Our Choice to answer the call to save the planet now, will find out just how foolish your own choice is when you can no longer find anyone willing to join you in the joy you’ve gotten all these millions of years out of burdening an already overburdened planet with ever more polluting humans.

I PLEDGE never to have sex with anyone who bought Sarah Palin’s book or otherwise supports her in any way. Her frightening rise to power, without benefit of affirmative action, Ivy League education, compelling life story involving poverty and public housing, or even being some philanderer’s wronged wife/widow, has only stopped the entire feminist movement in its tracks, placing it in grave danger of becoming obsolete or worse, as extinct as the polar bears! A Palin supporter is clearly dead set against women, so why would I want to have sex with someone who’s against my sex?

I PLEDGE never to have sex with anyone who owns a gun. My mama, Yelling Yelena, told me guys like that never shoot blanks, and if they can’t aim or control the trigger, the damn thing could go off and scatter shot everywhere but the target.

I PLEDGE never to have sex with anyone who watches Fox News or listens to talk radio. If you’re just another slack-jawed, helpless, clueless dumbass, who needs someone to tell you what to think, then it clearly follows you’ll need someone to tell you what to do when it comes to pleasing me in bed. And I’m damned if I’m going to be the one to do it. That’s what the government is for.

I PLEDGE never to have sex with someone, who believes in abstinence and saving it for “that special someone” even if they tell me I’m that special someone. Talk about oppression. As a Prog, I should be able to make that choice for myself! Besides, anyone with half a brain will tell you that sexual abstinence of ANY kind in ANY degree is totally unrealistic and an utter joke— young people are going to do it anyway no matter what. All those abstinence-only classes (Christofascist indoctrination, if you ask me) and hokey promise rings and t-shirts are nothing but meaningless little feel good gimmicks that are poor substitutes for a good old-fashioned novelty condom!

As I said, comrades, not just anyone. I am picky and selective and choosy. In fact, I’ll bet you’re in awe that any man has ever gone all the way with me at all!
 

 

A Report from the Front against the Republican War On Women:

All Progressives, and especially those in Hollywood, have ALWAYS fought against the sexploitation of womyn by Neanderthal Republican desires to keep womyn in the palms of their hands:

Here's Barack Obama's Teaching Moment in the REAL War On Women regarding Bill Maher's word "C*nt" for Sarah Palin:

Please use your "War On Women" Capital One card to receive credit at #Occupy women safe zones.

 

Quote:

Their plan is slavery that only results in more babies . . . and thus, so they
believe, more oil.

And where do you suppose baby oil comes from? Here you have it folks, from an authority no less caring or informed than Commissarka Pinkie herself, that the Rethuglicans plan to take over women's reproductive rights to force them to have baby after baby, so that these babies can then be rendered down into oil--just like they did with the whales.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

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