Fund Your Utopia Without Me.™

27 March 2013

Gay Help Wanted

M2RB:  U2

I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

Well, I had really hoped that I could avoid having to hang the “Gay Help Wanted” sign in the figurative online window, but I've asked a couple of gay posters and they ignored me!!!  Granted, I probably would have, too, but I actually have a serious question.  I'm generally pretty hip, up on urban slang, and truly do not mean to offend.

In Japanese culture, there are elaborate, ritualistic forms of suicide. Seppuku, Harakiri (a form of seppuku), and, of course, kamikaze missions and the rites observed by the warriors prior to their missions. My question – and again, I mean no offence – is this: Do gay men have a word to describe the ritualistic suicide of an individual over homosexuality?

I ask because I, along with about 61 million other people in Britain, are watching David Cameron commit slow, ritualistic, political suicide over gay marriage. For some unknown, unfathomable reason, Muffin is killing his political career because of his weird preoccupation with same-sex marriage. As an aside, in the UK, there are men, women, and muffins. A muffin is my term for a heterosexual public schoolboy, who has a weird fascination with homosexuality. (Public schools in the UK are schools like Eton, Harrow, etc, not PS 35 or Che Guevara Middle School).

SSM is not a pressing issue in the UK. Yes, Brits support it, for the most part, but most aren’t going to get their bees up about it. They are MUCH more concerned about the economy, jobs, the triple-dip, and the authoritarian, soviet-style apparatchiks of the EU in Brussels. Yet, Muffin Cameron is like a dog with a bone. HE. WILL. NOT. LET. IT. GO.

The European Court of Human Rights just ruled that same-sex marriage is not a “universal human right.” The rank-and-file of the Conservative Party (Tories) is in revolt. The former Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, a Fabian Socialist, who fought the CofE to admit gay priests and women AND LOATHED THE TORIES, retired over Muffin’s insistence that SSM be legalised. Red Ed and Clegger, who are both complete idiots and babbling buffoons, cannot believe their luck.

The country is broke and Muffin’s two main concerns are joining with LibLab to censor the press (in payback for breaking the expenses scandal – don’t buy the hacking scandal hue-and-cry excuse because those journalists that broke the law – ~80 – are in or going to prison with the exception of Piers Morgan) and gay marriage.

Surely, you’ve heard of The Three Tenors. Well, LibLabCon is offering its own version of The Three Neroes. Fiddling while London Bridge is falling down.

I’m waiting to see Muffin on the telly any moment, standing in the buff in a round of candles in Picadilly or in front of Bucks and howling something about "Conservatives believe in empty closets" before he plunges a giant phallic symbol into his heart.

Strange. Strange. Strange.

Anyhoo, is there a gay slang name for homosexual, ritual suicide or Munchausen by proxy homosexual, ritual suicide?

Muffin's straight, married, and has had 4 tots (1 died) so he's not closeted or anything (I'm not naive and my gaydar works just fine - affecting best Elvis voice - thank you, thank you very much!)  He just a very, very, very "Compassionate Conservative."  One might even say that he is a "Passionate-Compassionate Conservative."

Thanks, sincerely. Really. I’m not joking even though it might seem like it. Yes, the subject matter is straight-up Mad Hatter absurd, but my concerns about Cameron and the question that I pose are both genuine.  Never in my life have I seen a politician so hell-bent on committing political suicide AND handing his country to two bona fide, hardcore Socialists - and not Fabian Socialists in the vein of Tony Blair either - Red Ed Miliband and Red Ed Balls, who were destructive and hapless when Blair and Brown were in office, aren't much liked even by many of their own, are completely inept, and even at this date STILL would embark on the utterly cataclysmal and epically suicidal endeavour of both joining the euro AND further opening the floodgates of immigration, which have already permanently changed Britain and played the iceberg to the country's Titanic welfare state.  Seriously, is it not "generous" enough to pay the SAME benefits to illegal immigrants that manage to escape detection for six weeks that we do to combat veterans?  Are we a "selfish" and " greedy" country because we already pay migrant and child benefits to dependents who live IN OTHER COUNTRIES?  According to Labour, you bet your sweet-roll-bum we are!  Yet, Muffin, a man, who claims to love his country, seems intent on handing the keys to Nos 10 & 11 to the two Red Eds.  It is beyond comprehension.

And, if you haven't had your good laugh of the day, look what is going on across the street from Fred Phelps' Hate Cult Centre...

The only thing that would make this better would be a big, rainbow-coloured striped, middle-finger for the chimney and loud speakers that screech "Eat shit and die, you cultish freaks!" every time one of them takes a sip of their morning cup of joe or the word "fag" leaves their lips.

Haters gotta hate.


Axe said...

So -- LibLabCon is Liberal Democrats, Labor (I mean Labour), and Tories?

-- Some of us are American, not sufficiently cosmopolitan, and therefore don't speak English well. :)

Axe said...

I apologize. I know you are an American. I was trying to get to the second part and phrased it badly.

Axe said...

Yeah. And then LibLab is Liberal/Labor.

Nevermind. :)

And Muffin is the muffin, which you defined. And

"seems intent on handing the keys to Nos 10 & 11"

-- means 10 Downing Street, the Prime Minister's house, and 11, which is . . . the residence of the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Britain's Second Lord of the Treasury, which . . . doesn't matter because you meant Cameron, who has lived in both places.


And Bucks is a gentleman's club.

OK. OK, I got this.

Predictable-History said...


1. Yes, LibLabCon = Liberal Democrats + Labourites + Conservatives (Tories)

2. Yes, LibLab = LibDems + Labs - Cons.

3. Muffin is slang for an Etonian hetero-pussy, who has a strange fascination and/or obsession with homosexuality.

4. 11 Downing is the residence of the Chancellor of the Exchequer. George Osborne is the current resident. Second Red Ed Balls is the Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer and is one of the most unpopular - if not THE MOST unpopular - frontline politician in all of the UK...and there are some seriously dreadful deadwoods.

5. "Bucks" is not a men's club that has Happy Doe Hour. It's the Queen's shack. lol

Let me know if you need further edjumicating!!! xoxo

Predictable-History said...

Oops, I forgot. If - and, probably, almost assuredly, when - the Tories lose in 2015 because Muffin decided SSM was, indeed, a molehill upon which to die, Red Ed Miliband will take up residence at 10 and Red Ed the Second a/k/a Crazy Balls will firmly ensconce himself in 11 Downing.