Who is Fleet Admiral Bozone Mitty, (Ret.), International Man of Idiocy, bestest friend of Rear Admiral Thurston Howell III, undisputed and undefeated champion of the Crazy Acres Sanatorium Bathtub Regatta© ten years running, Naval Architect for the Panama Canal locks in the basement, and the Leader of the Charge of San Juan Hill, while Teddy Roosevelt was actually with Teddy Brewster and his batshyt crazy aunts poisoning old bums?
He's rich. He's a genius. Of course, he looks like a cross between Brad Pitt-Richard Gere-Johnny Depp-Matthew McConaughey. If he didn't so strenuously maintain his privacy, he would be named People's Sexiest Man of the Year...every year.
He is also on a first name basis with Ban Ki Moon, Tony Blair, Vladimir Putin, and Angela Merkel. He is known as simply "THE CIA". He has implanted microchips into bats which are being used in Afghanistan to uncover secret caves and tunnels used by al Qaeda.
He is the first 6-star General of the United States Army since General John Pershing (Eat Shit and Die, Omar Bradley!!!) while concurrently serving as a Fleet Admiral in the Navy, 5-star General of the Air Force, 4-star General in the United States Marine Corps, Captain Kirk’s replacement as the Commander of the USS Starship Enterprise of the United Federation of Planets Starfleet, and Admiral of the Fleet of Calypso Louie’s Big Wheel in the Sky Keeps on Turning Proud Louie Keeps on Burning the Texas Jew-Boys!
He used to hang out with Samuel L. Jackson and “Pulp Fiction” Travolta. Their combined coolness caused the global temperatures to drop so severely that they could actually ski with Alberto Tomba, Bode Miller, Jonny Moseley, and “The Flying Tomato” from Santa’s Workshop at the North Pole to the Great Sphinx of Giza near Cairo on fresh powder the entire way. They have since parted ways for the sake of the planet, allowing temperatures to rise once again. Hence: Global warming.
All of his personal contact information is kept on speed dial by the White House, NOAA, NASA, DOD, Pentagon, State Department, UN, IAPAA, Agenda 21, the Met Office in the UK, CERN and every top echelon leadership group in the world, including the Bilderbergs, the Council on Foreign Relations, the International Monetary Fund, the World Bank, and Spooky Dude. President Obama, in his enlightened, mind-blowing, lightworker way, has added a top secret agent to his staff, whose sole responsibility is to carry the Harvey-666 codes, contact information and the Green Phone, collectively referred to as the “Green Lantern.” This agent will be handcuffed to the briefcase containing the "Green Lantern" on one hand and to the agent carrying the "Nuclear Football"(Codes and Red Phone) on the other.
He is currently working on space age aluminum foil that when fashioned into hats will allow him to instantly make contact with all people that have died, all those living, and all those yet born...in every galaxy...known and unknown.
He has personally excavated the ruins of all major temples in Greece, pyramid sites in Egypt and completely mapped the site of UFO crashes at Roswell after performing reincarnation surgery on the embalmed bodies of dead space aliens.
He not only wrote the Encyclopaedia Britannica, he can recite it…..backwards. He has translated "War and Peace" into Sanskrit and "The Chronicles of Narnia" into ancient Hebrew.
He has bedded 30,000 men and women - all of whom were thoroughly impressed by his manhood and have never been the same since. He holds the Guinness Book of World Records honour of being the most mentioned person in history. He has more fans on Facebook than Lady Gaga. More people have committed suicide after being rejected by him than the total number of persons killed in armed conflict in the history of mankind.
He often teaches David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo how to be better football players. He also spends one weekend each month advising Prince Charles on his environmental projects at Highgrove and Llwynywormwood, along with his eco-friendly farming at Duchy Home Farm. Also, he advises the Queen each year on who should receive Birthday Honours. He accompanies TRH King Carl, Queen Sylvia, Crown Princess Victoria, Prince Carl Philip, Princess Madeleine, and Prince Daniel of Sweden and TRH King Harald, Queen Sonja, Crown Prince Haakon, Crown Princess Mette-Marit, and Princess Martha Louise of Norway to the Nobel Prize ceremonies each December.
HSH Princess Charlene of Monaco THRICE attempted to elope with Bozone Mitty, International Man of Idiocy. The tears that she shed during the Civil Service in the Throne Room and at the Wedding Mass in the Grand Courtyard were of sadness because she could not be with her little Admiral Pooka.
He is known to advise Gordon Ramsay, Paul Bocuse, Anthony Bourdain and Wolfgang Puck on Mediterranean diet additions to their menus. He corrected IM Pei's mathematical errors in the design of the Louvre Pyramid in the Cour Napoleon of the Palais du Louvre and is currently the brain-in-charge for designing the Ping An International Finance Centre.
J.K Rowling plagiarised the entire Harry Potter series from Bozone Mitty, International Man of Idiocy,’s doctoral dissertation. I’ve also heard that the original Kinsey Report was actually written about his nocturnal emissions as a baby, but I don’t have any hard evidence other than his baby book, which is on display next to the Declaration of Independence at the National Archives.
Finally, in his spare time, he inoculates children in the jungles of Africa, feeds the malnourished people of Bangladesh and Myanmar, conducts tours of Antarctica, pilots exploratory space crafts, single-handedly harnesses energy from the sun, and is nearing a breakthrough on his silver bullet pill that cures all disease, makes everyone beautiful, melts 2 stone off overnight, strengthens fingernails and hair, and adds 1 million years to each life!
Bozone Mitty, International Man of Idiocy, is a total fucking retard, and when he drinks beer, he drinks XX!!
You are in rare company, folks. Enjoy. Bozone Mitty, International Man of Idiocy, is "Walter Mitty meets Philip Dru, Administrator, meets MacGyver meets James Bond."
He's rich. He's a genius. Of course, he looks like a cross between Brad Pitt-Richard Gere-Johnny Depp-Matthew McConaughey. If he didn't so strenuously maintain his privacy, he would be named People's Sexiest Man of the Year...every year.
He is also on a first name basis with Ban Ki Moon, Tony Blair, Vladimir Putin, and Angela Merkel. He is known as simply "THE CIA". He has implanted microchips into bats which are being used in Afghanistan to uncover secret caves and tunnels used by al Qaeda.
He is the first 6-star General of the United States Army since General John Pershing (Eat Shit and Die, Omar Bradley!!!) while concurrently serving as a Fleet Admiral in the Navy, 5-star General of the Air Force, 4-star General in the United States Marine Corps, Captain Kirk’s replacement as the Commander of the USS Starship Enterprise of the United Federation of Planets Starfleet, and Admiral of the Fleet of Calypso Louie’s Big Wheel in the Sky Keeps on Turning Proud Louie Keeps on Burning the Texas Jew-Boys!
He used to hang out with Samuel L. Jackson and “Pulp Fiction” Travolta. Their combined coolness caused the global temperatures to drop so severely that they could actually ski with Alberto Tomba, Bode Miller, Jonny Moseley, and “The Flying Tomato” from Santa’s Workshop at the North Pole to the Great Sphinx of Giza near Cairo on fresh powder the entire way. They have since parted ways for the sake of the planet, allowing temperatures to rise once again. Hence: Global warming.
All of his personal contact information is kept on speed dial by the White House, NOAA, NASA, DOD, Pentagon, State Department, UN, IAPAA, Agenda 21, the Met Office in the UK, CERN and every top echelon leadership group in the world, including the Bilderbergs, the Council on Foreign Relations, the International Monetary Fund, the World Bank, and Spooky Dude. President Obama, in his enlightened, mind-blowing, lightworker way, has added a top secret agent to his staff, whose sole responsibility is to carry the Harvey-666 codes, contact information and the Green Phone, collectively referred to as the “Green Lantern.” This agent will be handcuffed to the briefcase containing the "Green Lantern" on one hand and to the agent carrying the "Nuclear Football"(Codes and Red Phone) on the other.
He is currently working on space age aluminum foil that when fashioned into hats will allow him to instantly make contact with all people that have died, all those living, and all those yet born...in every galaxy...known and unknown.
He has personally excavated the ruins of all major temples in Greece, pyramid sites in Egypt and completely mapped the site of UFO crashes at Roswell after performing reincarnation surgery on the embalmed bodies of dead space aliens.
He not only wrote the Encyclopaedia Britannica, he can recite it…..backwards. He has translated "War and Peace" into Sanskrit and "The Chronicles of Narnia" into ancient Hebrew.
He has bedded 30,000 men and women - all of whom were thoroughly impressed by his manhood and have never been the same since. He holds the Guinness Book of World Records honour of being the most mentioned person in history. He has more fans on Facebook than Lady Gaga. More people have committed suicide after being rejected by him than the total number of persons killed in armed conflict in the history of mankind.
He often teaches David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo how to be better football players. He also spends one weekend each month advising Prince Charles on his environmental projects at Highgrove and Llwynywormwood, along with his eco-friendly farming at Duchy Home Farm. Also, he advises the Queen each year on who should receive Birthday Honours. He accompanies TRH King Carl, Queen Sylvia, Crown Princess Victoria, Prince Carl Philip, Princess Madeleine, and Prince Daniel of Sweden and TRH King Harald, Queen Sonja, Crown Prince Haakon, Crown Princess Mette-Marit, and Princess Martha Louise of Norway to the Nobel Prize ceremonies each December.
HSH Princess Charlene of Monaco THRICE attempted to elope with Bozone Mitty, International Man of Idiocy. The tears that she shed during the Civil Service in the Throne Room and at the Wedding Mass in the Grand Courtyard were of sadness because she could not be with her little Admiral Pooka.
He is known to advise Gordon Ramsay, Paul Bocuse, Anthony Bourdain and Wolfgang Puck on Mediterranean diet additions to their menus. He corrected IM Pei's mathematical errors in the design of the Louvre Pyramid in the Cour Napoleon of the Palais du Louvre and is currently the brain-in-charge for designing the Ping An International Finance Centre.
J.K Rowling plagiarised the entire Harry Potter series from Bozone Mitty, International Man of Idiocy,’s doctoral dissertation. I’ve also heard that the original Kinsey Report was actually written about his nocturnal emissions as a baby, but I don’t have any hard evidence other than his baby book, which is on display next to the Declaration of Independence at the National Archives.
Finally, in his spare time, he inoculates children in the jungles of Africa, feeds the malnourished people of Bangladesh and Myanmar, conducts tours of Antarctica, pilots exploratory space crafts, single-handedly harnesses energy from the sun, and is nearing a breakthrough on his silver bullet pill that cures all disease, makes everyone beautiful, melts 2 stone off overnight, strengthens fingernails and hair, and adds 1 million years to each life!
Bozone Mitty, International Man of Idiocy, is a total fucking retard, and when he drinks beer, he drinks XX!!
You are in rare company, folks. Enjoy. Bozone Mitty, International Man of Idiocy, is "Walter Mitty meets Philip Dru, Administrator, meets MacGyver meets James Bond."
Give no quarter to valour thieves. You can lie about just about anything, but NOT military service.
Sorry, that's just the way it is, Pooka, especially when the last Fleet Admiral, Chester Nimitz, died in 1966.
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Some of the throw-ins will be the Ronco Super Secret Admiral Bozone USS Nimitz Black Whirlybirds©, the Ronco "Katrina: Mission Accomplished Complete Set©," alternatively sold on BET as "Ronco Proudly Presents' The Collectible "Kanye West's 'Bush Hates Black People'©," which comes with a model of the Blackhawk helicopter, which carried Ronco's Flightsuit Bush© and Ronco's Darth Cheney© around as they planted explosive charges throughout the levee system in Southeast Louisiana, plays Led Zepplin's "When the Levee Breaks©," and allows you to "secretly shoot miniature, slow-acting poison darts at men that look like former Mayor Naggun (George Bush or Brownie in the Kanye version), the extremely popular Ronco "Our President Spent 840 Billion Dollars On Stimulus And All We Got Was 9.2% Unemployment!"© shirt, and the Ronco© Justice Brothers' "'No Justice! No Pee!' Toilet Seat"© with the bonus Ronco© "Down-Wid-Id-Matic Lid!©."
A down lid a day will keep the irate wifey away!
* Secret Fleet Admiral Bozone Mitty (Ret), International Man of Idiocy and "bestest" friend of Thurston Howell III, refers to a Townhall.com poster/poseur, who claims to be a MIT/Harvard post-doc professor in mathematics, nuclear physics, and engineering, along with a consultant to the Pentagon, Joint Chiefs of Staff, and National Security Council. He also designed the nuclear submarine and took his tech company public at the height of the dotcom bubble making him a gazillionaire. Last, but definitely not least, he claims to be a retired Fleet Admiral, which is a neat trick considering the last Fleet Admiral was Chester Nimitz and he died in 1966. lol
Update!!! Update!!! Update!!!
Don’t miss the once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity to own your very own Ronco Platinum Edition National Treasure of Secret Fleet Admirals List© beautifully bound in an imitation Ronco Pleather© Ronco Family Keepsake Album©!!! You can learn all about the Secret Fleet Admiral Bozone Mitty (Ret), International Man of Idiocy and "bestest" friend of Thurston Howell III.
To show you how certain we that you will love our product, we'll throw in an authentic reproduction of the famed Ronco Hibachi Grill©, a Ronco ObamaChia Pet©, Ronco Goldfish Plat-Form-O-Matic© Shoes, a Ronco Disco-Ball-O-Matic©, and the Ronco Kung-Fu Fighting Dance-A-Long©.
Get off that couch and get a Ronco Moon Rock© FREE! Get moving and get a Ronco Mood Ring© FREE! Don’t miss this opportunity!
You will be the hit of your next party with your Ronco Platinum Edition National Treasure of Secret Fleet Admirals List© beautifully bound in an imitation Ronco Pleather© Ronco Family Keepsake Album© with room for all of your cherished family documents and heirlooms like the Ronco Holy Bible - King Ronco Version© and the Ronco "A Mighty Oak Family Tree"©.
All yours for just 19.95 plus S&H!
Pick up that phone right now to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to buy your very own Ronco Platinum Edition National Treasure of Secret Fleet Admirals List©.
It makes a perfect gift. Order now, and we will send you the Ronco Bozone Mitty, International Man of Idiocy, Collector’s Edition© DVD collection and a Ronco Seal-O-Matic© free!
Call now and have your credit card ready!
If you call within the next 5 minutes, we will send you the Original Ron Pompeil Classic Ronco Veg-o-Matic© and the Ronco Pocket Fisherman© AT NO ADDITIONAL COST TO YOU!!!!
All yours for just 19.95 plus S&H!
Imagine the look of love on your sweetheart's face when she opens her Ronco Platinum Edition National Treasure of Secret Fleet Admirals List© along with her Ronco Admiral Pooka Mr. Microphone© on Christmas morning!!!
Call now and have your credit card ready!
We so know that you are going to love your Ronco Platinum Edition National Treasure of Secret Fleet Admirals List© beautifully bound in an imitation Ronco Pleather© Ronco Family Keepsake Album© that we will throw in a set of Ronco Ginsu Knives© as our gift to you.
Call now and have your credit card ready!
Don't regret missing the opportunity to own your very own Ronco Platinum Edition National Treasure of Secret Fleet Admirals List© beautifully bound in an imitation Ronco Pleather© Ronco Family Keepsake Album©, a sacred piece of American history that your grandchildren will cherish.
ACT NOW!!!!
Second Update!!! Second Update!!!
Second Update!!!
Ronco is getting ready to doing a combo deal on the Ronco Platinum Edition National Treasure of Secret Fleet Admirals List© beautifully bound in an imitation Ronco Pleather© Ronco Family Keepsake Album© and the Ronco President Obama's Czar of the Federal DMV Burq'a Barbie©.
Some of the throw-ins will be the Ronco Super Secret Admiral Bozone USS Nimitz Black Whirlybirds©, the Ronco "Katrina: Mission Accomplished Complete Set©," alternatively sold on BET as "Ronco Proudly Presents' The Collectible "Kanye West's 'Bush Hates Black People'©," which comes with a model of the Blackhawk helicopter, which carried Ronco's Flightsuit Bush© and Ronco's Darth Cheney© around as they planted explosive charges throughout the levee system in Southeast Louisiana, plays Led Zepplin's "When the Levee Breaks©," and allows you to "secretly shoot miniature, slow-acting poison darts at men that look like former Mayor Naggun (George Bush or Brownie in the Kanye version), the extremely popular Ronco "Our President Spent 840 Billion Dollars On Stimulus And All We Got Was 9.2% Unemployment!"© shirt, and the Ronco© Justice Brothers' "'No Justice! No Pee!' Toilet Seat"© with the bonus Ronco© "Down-Wid-Id-Matic Lid!©."
A down lid a day will keep the irate wifey away!
* Secret Fleet Admiral Bozone Mitty (Ret), International Man of Idiocy and "bestest" friend of Thurston Howell III, refers to a Townhall.com poster/poseur, who claims to be a MIT/Harvard post-doc professor in mathematics, nuclear physics, and engineering, along with a consultant to the Pentagon, Joint Chiefs of Staff, and National Security Council. He also designed the nuclear submarine and took his tech company public at the height of the dotcom bubble making him a gazillionaire. Last, but definitely not least, he claims to be a retired Fleet Admiral, which is a neat trick considering the last Fleet Admiral was Chester Nimitz and he died in 1966. lol
2 comments:
Bozone a/k/a Telluride Wrote: 4 minutes ago (7:23 PM)
0311/2531 JOY-BOY Pedophile..
I am highly trained in all aspects of modern war both conventional and especially nuclear. I am particular capable in the art of war above, upon and below the oceans and seas should ever such break out anywhere upon this earth. I am the one the Russians feared most while knowing on their part my ability to neutralize and eviscerate their Naval forces.. anywhere on Earth.
"That they fear to this day even with their Navy having been considerably downsized since 1991. It is I who would have guided the US Navy war effort.. and have prevailed against that nation's Naval forces.. and would have done so with precision and ruthlessness unheard of in prior wars. That is my skill set and the fate that awaited their Naval forces should ever they prevoke a full blown war.
The same applies to China today. Though retired, I am the person they most fear should ever a Naval war break out in the Pacific. Their Naval forces would not survive long and be on the bottom of the ocean in relative short order. That I can assure you...
Now you know...
He's back on Malkin this morning, posing as a Harvard professor again.
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