Fund Your Utopia Without Me.™

22 October 2013

The ShamWow-in-Chief

If you call 1.800.F1U.CKYOU within the next 10 minutes, you automatically qualify for one of the following items:

* RoncoCare’s Hibachi Grill©

* RoncoCare’s Chia Pet©

* RoncoCare’s Goldfish Plat-Form-O-Matic© Shoes

* RoncoCare’s Disco-Ball-O-Matic©

* RoncoCare’s Kung-Fu Fighting Dance-A-Long©

* RoncoCare’s Mood Ring©

* RoncoCare’s Platinum Edition National Treasure of Secret Fleet Admirals List© beautifully bound in an imitation RoncoCare Pleather©

* RoncoCare’s Holy Bible – King Barack Pompeil Obama Version©

* RoncoCare’s ‘A Mighty Oak Family Tree’©

* RoncoCare’s Seal-O-Matic©

* RoncoCare’s Veg-o-Matic©

* RoncoCare’s Pocket Fisherman©

* RoncoCare’s Mr. Microphone©

* RoncoCare’s Gitsu Knives©

* RoncoCare’s President Obama’s Czar of the Federal DMV Burq’a Barbie©

* RoncoCare’s USS Nimitz Black Whirlybirds©

* RoncoCare’s Katrina: Mission Accomplished Complete Set©

* RoncoCare’s Proudly Presents’ The Collectible “Kanye West’s ‘Bush Hates Black People©

* RoncoCare’s ‘Blame Bush’ bobblehead©, which comes with a model of the Blackhawk helicopter, which carried he and Darth Cheney between the sites of the levees they blew up in New Orleans

* RoncoCare’s Flightsuit Bush©

* RoncoCare’s Darth Cheney© in his ‘When the Levee Breaks©’ gear that includes the miniature, slow-acting poison darts at men that look like former Mayor Ray Nagin

* RoncoCare’s Justice Brothers’ ‘No Justice! No Pee!’ Toilet Seat© with the bonus RoncoCare’s Down-Wid-Id-Matic Lid!©’ (A down lid a day will keep the irate wifey away!)

Have your credit card available and make sure that you choose one of the McDonalds’ Happy Meal toys RoncoCare free shit, at no cost to you whatsoever. All you have to do is to pay the $19.95 shipping and handling…and the skyrocketing premiums on your new ‘affordable’ healthcare plan!


But wait – there’s more!

If you call within the next 5 minutes and have proof that you’ve purchased 5 RoncoCare Platinum Plans©, we will give you two of the  George W Bush Flight Suit Man Doll© complete with the RoncoCare Collector’s Edition Virtually Real ‘Mission Accomplished’ Banner© and RoncoCare’s Bush Flight Jacket© for the real low price of one ‘free’ RoncoCare Essential Benefits 2014 Calendar©.

If you call within the next 5 minutes, we’ll even waive the $19.95 S&H fee.

How can you possibly not want this once in a lifetime offer?


We’ve heard from our distributors that a shipment of the RoncoCare Axe Head Bucket© and RoncoCare Sparky Rock Lobster Oven Mitts© will be delivered shortly.

If you try our product – The RoncoCare Individual Silver Plan© with the $1900 per month premiums and $250,000 deductible – we guarantee that you will love it and, because we are so sure, we will even send you one of these exciting new RoncoCare Free Shit© gifts at no additional cost to you. We’ll even issue a waiver for the normal S&H!

Don’t wait! Our RoncoCare navigators are standing by!

No comments: