Fund Your Utopia Without Me.™

07 October 2013

Breaking News: Shut The Fog Up, Noo Yawkers!

Reuters: President Obama has ordered the military to transport and install fog machines around the base of the Statue of Liberty. Those living in New York City are being told they can no longer view the beloved symbol of the United States from their apartment and office windows because of the government shutdown. Further, the Department of Homeland Security has issued an alert to all New Yorkers.

'If the wind should blow the fog away making visual access possible, people should understand that they are under orders to either close the draperies or turn around,' said the press secretary for the Department.

'They need to close their eyes or they will face arrest,' said an official with the Department of the Interior.

Due to the fear that there might be widespread civil disobedience, the Department of Justice has placed orders with Yueqing Xinguang Plastics Co, Ltd, and Security Seals and Cable in Zhejiang, China, for 10 million plastic tie handcuffs.

The DOJ was mum on whether blind people would be forced to comply, but the Office of Diversity, Tolerance, and Trayvon did admit that such an order might violate the the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment.

President Obama interrupted Jay Carney's press briefing today and took pains to remind the American people that they didn't build that statue.

This post will be updated. Please check back for updates.

Getting my snarkalicious on during the FARCEdown!


Hugo Furst said...

Might as well . . . Liberty is dead in the USA.

angrymike said...

Stole, thanks Resist.............;-)

captnjoe said...

Great snark, but please don't give them any more "ideas"!