Prog Troll: "VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY!!!"

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY!!!"

- Walker, Progressive troll, 8 December 2009

Sure, Walker.  Democrats are so realistic and sane!!!

 

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  A VOTE FOR DAVID WU IS A VOTE FOR GALACTIC PEACE!!!

"Don't let faux Klingons send real Americans to war." 

--Rep. David Wu (D-OR)

 

Democrats, you can contribute to your Galatica Guide's campaign at: http://www.wuforcongress.com. Trekkies!  You can also choose from a multitude of Star Trek merchandise autographed by Vulcans.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY" -- A VOTE FOR CHUCK SCHUMER IS A VOTE TO END DISCRIMINATION AGAINST IMAGINARY PEOPLE!

"Biking through New York's boroughs in 2005, I thought about some old friends, Joe and Eileen Bailey. Though they are imaginary, I frequently talk to them." 

-Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)

 Democrats, you can contribute to this intellectual giant, totally normal stalwart for the imagined and oppressed at his website: www.salsa.wiredforchange.com.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  A VOTE FOR BARBARA BOXER IS A VOTE FOR LEGALISING VOTING FOR THE DEAD!!!

"Those who died in the earthquake, their lives will never be the same again."

-- Barbara Boxer

 

Democrats, you can contribute to Madame Blavatsky, er, Babara Boxer at: www.barbaraboxer.com/home. The "Gifts" section of her website offers a full array of crystals, crystal balls, and Ouija boards.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  -- A VOTE FOR DENNIS KUCINICH IS A VOTE AN UNITED NATIONS, PLANETS, AND GALAXIES! DENNIS HAS PHONED HOME AND HE HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR SECRETARY GENERAL OF U.N.P.G.!

"The energy of the stars becomes us. We become the energy of the stars. Stardust and spirit unite and we begin: one with the universe, whole and holy. From one source, endless creative energy, bursting forth, kinetic, elemental; we, the earth, air, water and fire-source of nearly fifteen billion years of cosmic spiraling." 

-- Dennis Kucinich, in the Journal of Conscious Evolution

Democrats, you can contribute to the Kucinich campaigns at: www.kucinich.us and www.unpg.gal.org.

On either site, you can purchase some of Klingon Kucinich's bestsellers: "Inside Area 51: My Personal Resurrection Surgeries On The Aliens And Our Conversations Afterward", "New Age Alternative Energy: We Are At One With The Sun And The Stars. We Are The Energy Sources For Which We Have Been Waiting", "We Are The World, We Are The Aliens, We Are At One With The Universe", "Chemtrails: Our Fight With Exotic Weapons, Radiation, Electromagnetic, Psychotronic, Sonic, Laser or Other Energies", "Project MK-ULTRA: Resist. We Shall Not Surrender To Mood Management and Mind Control For The Purpose of Information Wars", and Shirley Maclaine "Sage-ing While Age-ing II: Dennis' Close Encounter With The 5th Dimension Kind".  Maclaine writes about her dear friend Dennis' encounter with a UFO. Shirley says he had a close encounter with a UFO at her house in Washington State that he found very moving.

"The smell of roses drew him out to my balcony where, when he looked up, he saw a gigantic triangular craft, silent, and observing him. It hovered, soundless, for 10 minutes or so, and sped away with a speed he couldn't comprehend. He said he felt a connection in his heart and heard directions in his mind. He has never again been the same." 

-- Shirley Maclaine

Shirley, we agree.  Klingon Kucinich has never been the same...not that he was all there in the beginning. 

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  A VOTE FOR NANCY  PELOSI IS A VOTE FOR A CLEAN, CHEAP ALTERNATIVE TO FOSSIL FUELS - NATURAL GAS!

"I believe in natural gas as a clean, cheap alternative to fossil fuels." 

-- Nancy Pelosi

Democrats, you can contribute to your expert in alternative energy, Nancy Pelosi, at: www.speakerpelosi.com.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  A VOTE FOR SHEILA JACKSON LEE IS A VOTE TO FIND THE FLAG ON MARS PLANTED BY NEIL ARMSTRONG!

"Did the Mars Rover take any images of the flag Neil Armstrong planted on Mars?"

- Sheila Jackson-Lee

"Hurricane names are too 'lily-white'.  All racial groups should be represented and federal weather officials should try to be inclusive of African-American names."
- Sheila Jackson-Lee

Democrats, you can contribute to this champion of science and history at her website: www.sheilajacksonlee18.com.  You can also purchase Congresswoman Lee's "Puffy, Shanequa, LaQuandra, Malik, Placenta - Hurricane Names For A Diverse 21st Century!" at the same address.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  A VOTE FOR HANK JOHNSON IS A VOTE FOR A STABLE GUAM!!!

"My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and  capsize." 

-- Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA)

Democrats, you can contribute to your Guam Stabliser at his website: www.hankforcongress.com.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  VOTE FOR KESHA ROGERS SO THAT WE CAN IMPEACH OBAMA=HITLER AND COLONISE THE MOON!

 

Democrats, you can contribute to your candidate for Congress Kesha Rogers'campaign at www.kesharogers.com. You can also buy "Impeach Obama", "Obama is Hitler", and "Colonise the Moon" signs at her site.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  VOTE AL SHARPTON SO THAT GAYS AND LESBIANS CAN BECOME HOMOSEXUALS!!

"I believe that gays and lesbians deserve to have the same rights as homosexuals." 

-- Rev. Al Sharpton in 2002

Democrats, you can contribute to the Very Reverend Al Sharpton at his website: www.nationalactionnetwork.net. In the "Books" section, you can find "How To Fake A Rape, Incite Racial Tension, And Become A Very Rich Reverend Without A Church."

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  A VOTE FOR CALIFORNIA DEMOCRATS IS A VOTE TO BRIGHTEN A GRAY WORLD AND PLANET!!!

"My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, and we have people from every planet on the earth in this state. We have the sons and daughters of every, of people from every planet, of every country on earth." 

-–Former California Gov. Gray Davis, during the recall campaign

Democrats, you can catch up with the colourful Gray Davis at his website: www.gray-davis.com. You can watch exhilarating and inspiring speeches and see photographs of Mr Gray’s glory days as the Premier of California.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  -- VOTE DEMOCRAT TO MAKE FOOD AND SCIENCE POLITICALLY CORRECT AND COLOURBLIND!!

"So if it's 'angel food cake,' it's white. If it's 'devil's food cake,' it's black. If you're the 'black sheep of the family,' then you gotta be bad, you know. 'White sheep,' you're okay. You know?"

-- John Wiley Price

Democrats, you can contribute to this civil food rights pioneer at his campaign website: www.johnwileyprice.com. You can also purchase his cookbooks: “Let My Brownies Go!” and “We Shall Overeat!”

Exit question, Mr Price: Is strawberry shortcake offensive to redheads?

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  -- A VOTE JERRY BROWN IS A VOTE FOR FAIRNESS AND A BANANA REPUBLIC!

"The conventional viewpoint says we need a jobs program and  we need to cut welfare. Just the opposite! We need more welfare and fewer jobs."

 -- Jerry Brown

Democrats, you can help Jerry Brown once again run California into the ground by contributing to his campaign at: www.jerrybrown.org. You can also purchase his autobiography “Fly Me To The Moonbeam” with a Forward by Dennis Kuchinich and Shirley MacClaine.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  A VOTE FOR NANCY WILL ENSURE THAT EVERY PERSON ON THE PLANET WILL BE EMPLOYED IN 13 DAYS!!!

"Every month that we do not have an economic recovery package 500 million Americans lose their jobs." 

-- Nancy Pelosi

Democrats, you can contribute to the DCCC at: www.dccc.org. You can also purchase Nancy’s newest book “The New, New, New, New Math!”

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  -- VOTE DEMOCRAT SO THAT ALL STOCK MARKET CRASHES CAN BE COLOURBLIND!!! 

"Isn't it a little racist to call it Black Friday?" 

-- Joy Behar 

Democrats, you can get your daily dose of Joy at: www.joybehar.blogs.cnn.com. You can also be the 47th person to purchase her book “When You Need a Lift: But Don't Want to Eat Chocolate, Pay a Shrink, or Drink a Bottle of Gin” released in 2007! Don’t wait! Copies are going fast…to the dime rack!

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR THE WOULDA', COULDA', SHOULDA'!!! 

"I have to march because my mother could not have an abortion."

-- Maxine Waters

Democrats, you can help insure that this intellectual giant and Mother Teresa of ethics continues to impress Ben Bernanke and help her husband protect his investments by contributing to her reelection campaign at: www.waters.house.gov. You can also be the first to pre-order her new book “If My Mother Could Have Aborted Me, George Bush Wouldn’t Have Caused Me To Break Ethics Rules!”

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  -- VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR EXPERTISE AND CONTROL!

"I am not an expert on computers." 

-- Al Gore, the "creator" of the internet

Democrats and Eco-Hysterics, you can help Al Gore pay Tipper and for his massages at: www.algore.com. Also, you can purchase his 20-part DVD set “How To Flunk Out Of Divinity School And Still Become A Billionaire, Beloved Prophet Of A Mega-Church” and his acclaimed books “Hitler Was Right! Your Body And Health Is The State’s Business: How Vegetarianism Will Save The Planet, Lower Health Care Costs, And Leave More Hamburgers For Me!” and “Hitler Was Right, II! Gaia Rocks!”

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  VOTE DEMOCRAT SO THAT SANTA WILL NOT BECOME HOMELESS!

"In 50 years there will be no North Pole in the summertime." 

- Al Gore

(apparently global warming will cause the earth to shift on its axis)

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  -- VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR DIVERSIFIED 7-11s, RESTAURANTS TO NOWHERE, AND CLEAN, ARTICULATE, BLACK GUYS WORKING AT HOME DEPOT!

“You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent … I’m not joking.” 

-- Joe Biden

Democrats, you can contact that Genius From Scranton (no, not Hal Donahue) at whitehouse.gov.   You can order his new books “My Alternate Reality – It’s A Big Fucking Deal, Man!” and “When Chuck Stands Up, Recovery Summer Starts!”

 

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  VOTE DEMOCRAT SO THAT AFRICAN POTENTATES CAN STOP EATING EACH OTHER!

“You’d find these potentates from down in Africa, you know, rather than eating each other, they’d just come up and get a good square meal in Geneva.” 

-- Fritz Hollings

Democrats, you can save a potentate today! Contribute to Michelle Obama’s new food programme “Potatoes For Potentates!” at whitehousegarden.gov.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  -- VOTE DEMOCRAT SO THAT THE SOUTH CAN RISE AGAIN!!!

“I still want to be the candidate for guys with Confederate flags in their pickup trucks.”

 - Howard Dean

Disillusioned Democrats, you can contribute to the “Draft Dean, Yearghhh!!!” movement at www.DemocraticUnderground.com, www.DailyKos.com, and www.MichaelMoore.com. You can also pre-order the soon-to-be-released books: “The Dead Man’s Claw: My Quest To Arrest George W. Bush Will Last From Here To Eternity” by The Huffington Post's own Harold F. Donahue.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY" --  A VOTE DEMOCRATS IS A FOR BLACK AND WHITE STRIPES!!

"A zebra does not change its spots." 

- Al Gore

Democrats, keep your elected officials out of prison by contributing to the Democrat Liberation Fund at www.dlf.org. You can also purchase Blago wigs, Trafficante rugs, Jefferson simulated cold cash, Hastings’ law licences, and licence plates.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  VOTE DEMOCRAT SO THAT WE CAN ALL BECOME MENTAL PATIENTS AND SPREAD THE INSANITY AROUND!

"This is still the greatest country in the world if we just steel our wills and lose our minds."

-- President Bill Clinton

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  A WIN FOR A DEMOCRAT IS A WIN FOR WINNIE! 

"Winnie the Pooh seems to me to be a fundamental text on national security."

 — Obama foreign policy adviser, Richard Danzig

 Democrats, you can contribute to world peace by purchasing Mr Danzig’s new book “Organising The World With Winnie The Pooh and Winnie Mandela.”

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR A "TICKLE ME" ERIC & ALVIN "ACTION FIGURE" GREEN CHRISTMAS STIMULUS!!!

"Now, they're saying I groped a male staffer. Yes, I did. Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn't breathe and four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday." 

-- Eric Massa

"Another thing we can do for jobs is make toys of me, especially for the holidays. Little dolls. Me. Like maybe little action dolls. Me in an army uniform, air force uniform, and me in my suit. They can make toys of me and my vehicle, especially for the holidays and Christmas for the kids. That's something that would create jobs. So you see I think out of the box like that. It's not something a typical person would bring up. That's something that could happen, that makes sense. It's not a joke." 

-- Democratic Candidate for Senate, Alvin Green

PS: You actually can now buy your Alvin Green action figure -- multiple wardrobes and accessories included: http://deathby1000papercuts.com/2010/07/alvin-green-action-figures-now-available

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  VOTE DEMOCRAT BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS THAT CRACK-SMOKING, 'HO USING, EX-CONS MAKE BETTER PUBLIC OFFICIALS!

"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less." 

- Marion Berry

Democrats, you can contribute to Councilman Berry's crack n 'ho habit, er, 11th campaign at: www.dccouncil.washington.dc.us

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  VOTE DEMOCRAT SO THAT THE SECOND BLACK PRESIDENT CAN PARDON A "REAL" BLACK MAN!

"I'm blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up." 

-- Rod Blagojevich

Democrats, you can contribute to the defence fund of the stalwart public servant and exemplar of Chicago at its best at:  www.freeblago.com.  For just a $50 contribution, you will receive an autograph of Mr Blagojevich with his closest friends, Barack Obama and Alexi Giannoulias.

Also, if you feel as though you haven't been screwed enough by Broadway Bank, you can contribute your blood, sweat, tears, and money at:   www.alexiforillinois.com

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  A VOTE FOR DEMOCRAT IS A VOTE FOR A MURTHA MEMORIAL AND THE JACK MURTHA PENITENTIARY

Democrats, please help us.  We are unable to decide on which of Murtha's most erudite quotes to etch in stone for posterity. 

"I just swallowed my socks and now my feet are cold."

"You're really the FBI?! Well... will you bribe me?"

"Sorry I missed this vote. I saw some scary looking teenagers on the street so I hid in my care until they went away."

"Get those cameras away from me! YOU'RE STEALING MY SOUL!"

"I put my shirt on backwards and now my neck is itchy."

"I have the votes! A leprechaun told me so!"

"There is a monkey in the Capitol and he stole my pills!"

"Our troops are murders! Murderers! And one of them put a computer chip in my brain! It keeps telling me to eat my vegetables, but I don't want to eat them! Get this chip out of my brain!"

"I think the Republicans might beat us on this bill. We better run away!"

"If you break open a Magic Eight Ball and drink what's inside, you see the future!"

"Okinawa is in Japan? When did we move it there?"

"I just took a total crap in my pants!"

Democrats, you can also help finance this wonderful tribute by contributing at:  www.murthaismyheroandIamthesotofscranton.com.  You are in luck:  For every $10 you donate, you will get both of Mr Murtha's best fan, Harold F. Donahue, books - "All I Know About Flying I Learned In Front Of Walmart On A Roll Of Quarters Budget" and "Running To Empty:  Bedpans and Their Maintenance."

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  -- VOTE DEBBIE WASSERMAN-SCHULTZ FOR MINISTRY OF INFORMATION!!!

"We actually have not required in this law that you carry health insurance." 

-- Debbie Wasserman Schultz 

Democrats, you can contribute to Ms Wasserman-Schultz's campaign at:  www.dwsforcongress.com.  For each $1,000 contribution, Debbie will autograph a copy of George Orwell's "1984" for you!

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  -- VOTE DEMOCRAT TO PARTY LIKE IT'S 1984!!!

"Go, balloons. I don't see anything happening. Go, balloons. Go, balloons. Go, balloons. Stand by, confetti. Keep coming, balloons. More balloons. Bring them. Balloons, balloons, balloons! More balloons. Tons of them. Bring them down. Let them all come. No confetti. No confetti yet. No confetti. All right. Go, balloons. Go, balloons. We're getting more balloons. All balloons. All balloons should be going. Come on, guys! Let's move it. Jesus! We need more balloons. I want all balloons to go. Go, confetti. Go, confetti. Go, confetti. I want more balloons. What's happening to the balloons? We need more balloons. We need all of them coming down. Go, balloons. Balloons. What's happening balloons? There's not enough coming down. All balloons! Why the hell is nothing falling? What the f--- are you guys doing up there? We want more balloons coming down. More balloons. More balloons." 

-- Don Mischer

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  -- VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR AWESOME INTELLIGENCE!

"I'm going to be honest with you -- I don't know a lot about Cuba's healthcare system. Is it a government-run system?" 

-- John Forbes Heinz, er, Kerry

Democrats, you can support your team by becoming a member of the Ketchup Of The Month Club. "57 Varieties For 57 States: Every State Deserves A State Ketchup!"

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR SMART, NAZI POWER!

"I did not support Operation Desert Fox."

- - Janeane Garofalo

My fellow Progressives, please help the real victims of Operation Desert Fox, the Palestinians.  "Mein Kampf" is now only ranked 6th on the bestseller list.  We must do something about this, now!  Please donate $100 to "Free Gaza" and I will personally autograph "The International Jew", "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion" and "Denial May Be A River In Egypt, But It Doesn't Run Through Auschwitz:  The True Story of the Holocaust That Never Happened" by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  All funds will go to supplying each Palestinian with a new copy of "Mein Kampf".

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  A VOTE FOR PATTY MURRAY IS A VOTE FOR INFRASTRUCTURE SPENDING AND MUSLIM OUTREACH!

"He's (Osama bin Laden) been out in these countries for decades, building schools, building roads, building infrastructure, building day-care facilities, building health-care facilities, and these people are extremely grateful. We haven't done that." 

-- Patty Murray- Democratic Senator Washington (speech to a high school honors class)

Democrats, you can contribute to Sneaker Patty at her website: www.pattymurray.com. Make sure to support Democratic Muslim Outreach by purchasing the "Osama bin Laden Collector’s Edition Erector Set" and "Muslim World Monopoly"!

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  A VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS SHOULD BE A VOTE FOR PEANUT FARMER EUTHANASIA!

"I'm 'probably superior'  to other former Presidents." 

-- Jimmy Carter 

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY" --  VOTE DEMOCRAT TO BUY BIDEN A CLUE! 

"I am second in line to be president." 

- Joe Biden

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY" --  VOTE DEMOCRAT TO SHUT DOWN THE AIRLINE INDUSTRY!!!

"I would tell members of my family, and I have, I wouldn't go anywhere in confined places right now. It's not that it's going to Mexico. It's that you are in a confined aircraft. When one person sneezes, it goes everywhere through the aircraft. That's me."

-- Vice President Joe Biden, on NBC's Today show, giving his advice on dealing with the swine flu outbreak, which seemed to contradict the Administration's advice to the public, 30 April 2009

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY" --  A VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS IS A VOTE FOR TACT, TOLERANCE & INCLUSIVENESS!!!

"This is like Special Olympics or something."

— President Barack Obama, on The Tonight Show, 13 March 2009

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  --  A VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS IS A VOTE FOR "SMART POWER"!

"We want to reset our relationship ... We worked hard to get the right Russian word. Do you think we got it?"

— Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, handing Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov a gift-wrapped reset button just before he informed her that the word on the button in fact translated to "overcharged," 6 March 2009

How's that "Russian Reset" working out for ya?

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY"  -- A VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS IS A VOTE FOR A 30% CHANCE OF FAILURE

"If we do everything right, if we do it with absolute certainty, there's still a 30% chance we're going to get it wrong."

— Vice President Joe Biden, 6 February 2009

How about 100%?  Biden, after all, does have a problem with math, i.e., "J-O-B-S" is a three-letter word, he's second in line for the Presidency, etc.

"VOTE DEMOCRAT FOR REALISM AND SANITY" -- AND HAVING NO COMPREHENSION OR UNDERSTANDING OF PROTOCOL

"No one — including the ladies-in-waiting standing nearby — could believe their eyes. In 57 years, the Queen has never been seen to make that kind of gesture and it is certainly against all protocol to touch her."

— The Daily Mail, quoting a person who witnessed First Lady Michelle Obama touch the Queen of England, 1 April 2012

On April Fool's Day 2009, we know exactly who The Court Jester was....

Mrs Obama, whatever your delusions or aspirations, one simply does not touch Her Majesty.  Even her own children and grandchildren must curtsey to her.  You may imagine yourself as some sort of "Your Excellency," but you are not a monarch.  You may think the Royal Family is antiquated and court protocol ridiculous, discriminatory, bourgeoisie, or whatever, but you have no idea how insulting your actions were to the people of the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth.  There is a reason why many journalists on "Fleet Street" (a misnomer like "Wall Street" in that most news organisations are no longer located there...just as much of "Wall Street" moved to Midtown and elsewhere years ago) refers to you as Lady Macbeth.

 You wish....

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