By Kurt Schlichter
You Millenials voted for Obama by a margin of 28 percent,
which will make it a lot easier for me to accept the benefits you will
be paying for. We warned you that liberalism was a scam designed to
take the fruits of your labor and transfer it to us, the older,
established generation. Oh, and also to the couch-dwelling,
Democrat-voting losers who live off of food stamps and order junk from
QVC with their Obamaphones.
You didn’t listen to us. Maybe you’ll listen to pain.
I have been told that being hard on you Millennials will
turn you against conservatism, that I should offer you a positive,
hopeful message that avoids the touchy problem of your manifest
stupidity.
No. There’s no sugar-coating it – your votes for
Democrats have ensured that you are the first generation in American
history that will fail to exceed what their parents attained. Embracing
liberalism was a stupid thing to do, done for the stupidest of reasons,
and I will now let you subsidize my affluent lifestyle without a shred
of guilt.
I’m a 48 year old trial lawyer living on the coast in
California – I should have “Hope and Change” tattooed on my glutes. I’d
have an excuse to be lib-curious, but you Millennials? Why do you
support an ideology that pillages you to pay-off Democrat
constituencies? Your time in the indoctrination factories of academia
trained you in a form of “critical thinking” that is neither. Somehow,
you came to embrace the bizarre notion that conservatives are psychotic
Jesus freaks who want to Footloosisze America into a land of mandatory
Sunday school and no dancing.
But liberals, in contrast, are nice. Obama is
cool. You chose petty fascism with a smile. Not a lot of thought went
into it. Facts, evidence – these were mere distractions from the
feelings-based validation that came from rejecting us wicked
conservatives.
What did you get? The chance to be forced to buy health
insurance you don’t want at inflated rates so my rates can be lower.
You get to pay more out of your monthly barista take – liberalism
ensured that the tanked job market foreclosed a real career – so that I
get to pay less out of my lawyer checks. Thanks, suckers.
You fume that conservatives want to spy on you in your
bedrooms. Leaving aside the fact that that your tacky boudoir fumblings
are the last thing conservatives care about, have you noticed how your
precious Big Brother spies on your doings everywhere else? But who
cares about that – Mumford & Sons totally digs Obama!
Don’t even get me started on your crappy music.
Enjoy your student loans, Millennials! We tried to tell
you that it was a Democrat scam designed to subsidize liberal academia
by allowing you to go into decades of crushing debt to pay for a
bachelors in Ancient Guatemalan Gender Identity Issues.
Good plan. Now fetch my latte – I’m in a hurry to get to
my corner office. And I’ll leave you a tip – next time you decide to
vote for a liberal, first be born in 1964.
Don’t think that I’m happy about this. I came to Los
Angeles after the Gulf War. I had a car and a few bucks I had saved in
the desert which went right into paying for Loyola Law School. I had no
contacts and no money, but I knew I had endless opportunity.
I worked hard. I could start a business. I could get credit. I could – and did – build my own future.
But can you? Liberalism, with its impoverishing
redistribution, crippling regulations and the debt it suckered you into
undertaking, has ensured that most of you can’t.
You live with your parents, and Obamacare encourages
sponging until you are 26 years old. At 26, I was leading Americans in a
war, not begging mommy to pay my bills. The liberals want you to be
eternal man-children, wearing cargo shorts and passively pumping money
into their socialized medicine nightmare in return for “Brosurance” you don’t want or need.
It breaks my heart to see the young lawyers I hire
hobbled by six figures of debt. But hey, your desperation works fine
for us established folks. I got 297 applications for a junior associate
position. Let me say that again – 297. Most of them weren’t even
practicing law – they were brewing coffee, not writing briefs. Now, I
understand that most of you learned nothing but liberal clichés in
college, but take a guess: As an employer, are the salaries I pay
generally more or less when I have 297 people competing for each job?
So feel free to keep voting for the liberals who keep you
in chains. I’ll take my cheaper insurance, my future Social Security
checks, and the other benefits that come from being established without
guilt. The guys who you squander your votes upon certainly won’t change
that equation. You’ll tread water in life, but hey, at least those
conservatives won’t be in charge!
Thanks again, suckers. Now get off my lawn.
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